Quotes About Humor

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

I'm going to get him to sign my boobs. With his tongue.

Studying literature at Harvard is like learning about women at the Mayo clinic.

People may think of Southern humor in terms of missing teeth and outhouse accidents, but the best of it is a rich vein running through the best of Southern literature.

If a cat spoke, it would say things like 'Hey, I don't see the problem here.

Howling with laughter, the team followed suit, a dozen young players out on the side of the road, yanking at their pants to free up their underwear and wiggling their rear ends at the other cars that roared by, the drivers and passengers either staring out as if the Screech Owls should be arrested or else pretending the Screech Owls were not even there, a dozen youngsters at the side of the road, bent over, with a hand on each side of their pants, pulling wedgies.

Three prisoners in the gulag get to talking about why they are there. "I am here because I always got to work five minutes late, and they charged me with sabotage," says the first. "I am here because I kept getting to work five minutes early, and they charged me with spying," says the second. "I am here because I got to work on time every day," says the third, "and they charged me with owning a western watch.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter.

I did pretty good for a guy who never finished high school and used to yodel at square dances.

When I did sports cartoons, I used to uh, go to fights.

Professor Butts walks in his sleep, strolls through a cactus field in his bare feet, and screams out an idea for a self-operating napkin.

This is like the joke where the guy climbs the mountain and asks the guru, 'What is the secret of life?,' and the guru says, 'All is One,' and the guys says, 'Are you kidding?,' and the guru says, 'You mean it isn't?

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.

I do as much comedy as I possibly can, but I'm basically limited by the imagination of the secretaries who make the decisions.

Sit!' -Kagome (to InuYasha and he falls.)

Inuyasha stomps on Miroku's foot and runs away laughing

I barely speak English, but I'm fluent in throwing shade.

Throwing shade takes a bit of creativity. Being a bitch takes none.

I like all Jim Carrey films. They're really funny.

Come along, Mr. Iverson, you must be starved to death," said the dean. He saw my startled look and added dryly, "That's an observation, by the way. Not a decree.

We got plenty of laughs, but not always for the right reasons.

I can be terribly vulgar in private life, especially after a nip of dry sherry.

You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.