Quotes About Humor

Why didn't Obama make Hillary Clinton his vice president? (Answer: Because then he'd have to have someone taste his food for him, and start his car for him … )

in order to survive anywhere in today's world, you need to have a pretty good sense of humour.

When God, the great mathematician, discovered that in making man he had overdone things a bit, he created the bedbug to even things out. Soon

When God, the Great Mathematician, discovered that in making man he had overdone things a bit, he created the bedbug to even things out.

To be able to laugh and to be merciful are the only things that make man better than the beast

Well say something, dammit, I'm choking on pretzels!

Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong.

Newspaper people, once celebrated as founts of ribald humor and uncouth fun, have of late lost all their gaiety, and small wonder.

There's no shame in being second to Stephen Fry. Unless it's in a straight nose competition.

It is easy to raise a laugh, but dangerous, for it is the greatest test of an orator's control of his audience to be able to land them again on the solid earth of sober thinking.

the only graceful way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you cant ignore it, top it; if you cant top it, laugh at it; if you cant laugh at it, its probably deserved

You're not mating with me, sunshine!

You know, surprisingly, they don't sell a lot of brains in the local 24-hour grocery store around the corner from my house.

What is this?" I ask, trying to sound brave and flip, and I'm sure, merely coming off as too loud and annoying. "Strip grocery shopping? If it is, I have to tell you I've got on 16 pairs of underwear, so you're going to lose big-time--

You should make a sad face when you meet a crocodile

Of course they are gloomy; they drink a lot of vodka.

Because of that I don't care when I read in the newspaper that I am colourblind. I went through a red light in my car and I stopped when I before a green light. So I must be really colourblind, eh?

Hi crush WHAHAHHAHA

If tragedy is about the fact that people are mortal, then comedy is about the fools we make of ourselves on the way to the grave.

Message: I can make fun of myself despite my perfection: I am more like you in this regard: it's safe for you to like me: please desire me: please give me your money for the honor of desiring me.

the top of your screen Alex: AHAHA oh yeah lol Adam: So, can you tell him I've found it? Alex: Hi It's Adam. Someone's found your phone.

Knock, knock. Who's there? You're diamond. You're diamond who? You're diamond me crazy!

I don't know if my sense of humor goes over Americans' heads.

Might as well ask the once-popular Magic 8-Ball something. It got "Outlook not so good" right. I don't know if anyone ever asked it about Internet Explorer.