Quotes About Humor

Chicks, man, am I right? They crazy," you say. "Yes, what IS the deal with over half the human population of the planet? They're definitely all 100% insane," Horatio replies sarcastically.

Trust me, if I were gay I'd be getting more action than I'm getting now.

Roland made a mental note to wash the boy's mouth with Irish Spring when they got back home to Ohio.

Yo Momma's is so fat that during Halloween, she never needs a costume, people already think she's a dinosaur.

RATED R 42. Yo mama so dumb,v she sticked cat food down her

Knock Knock Jokes

Your so fat you got more tonnage than the U.S. navy.

It's the old elephant hunter joke, where a guy asserts he's the local elephant hunter, you respond that there aren't any elephants around there, and he, of course, says 'Yeah, see how good I am?

My cock doesn't talk politics.

My ideal weight is moobless.

A real friend, he'd say, is the one who, when you say you need for them to kill someone for you, asks only, "And where did you want me to dump the body?" I understood that it was hyperbole, but I saw him do barely less more than once, to exhaust himself in research and effort to him his people. Which is how he divided the whole world: his people and everyone else.

I have no truck with lettuce, cabbage, and similar chlorophyll. Any dietitian will tell you that a running foot of apple strudel contains four times the vitamins of a bushel of beans.

Is this Niamh woman as …" He gestured to Rose with a vague wave of his hand. "As awesome as me?" Rose answered, glaring at him. "Yeah, she is." "That wasn't the word I was thinking of.

Though if you get your ass kicked by a mathematical theorem, don't come crying to me.

Nació con el don de la risa y con la sensación de que el mundo estaba loco. Y ese era todo su patrimonio.

Much as you joke about it, it wouldn't do for anyone to find you here. My brothers are unpredictable, and Gran might just chase you around the manor with her cane.

Why didn't you tell us you were the Alexander Black who can stand atop a cantering horse and shoot a hole through a plum at a hundred paces?" With a snort, Alec jerked his gaze away. "More like a cantaloupe. The thing shrinks with every retelling. Soon they'll have me shooting at a mustard seed.

Husband-hunting. Always a rousing sport. I suppose you go there dressed to kill." "No, indeed. What good is a dead husband?" She smiled airily. "I go dressed to maim only.

Forgive me, madam, it appears that you and I got off on the wrong foot." "You got off on the wrong foot. I merely watched you shove it into your mouth.

The secret of a good marriage is forgiving your partner for marrying you in the first place.

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands.

You can pretend to be serious you can't pretend to be witty.

The intellect cannot laugh, it can only dissect.

One morning a man walked into his office and told his boss, "Boss, I want you to know, three big companies are after me. You must give me a raise." His boss said, "What! Which companies? Who wants you?" He said, "The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.