Quotes About Humor

There is a little verse I remember from a child: Needles and pins, needles and pins, When a man marries his trouble begins. It doesn't say when a woman's trouble begins.

How much longer can I be so fucking cute?

Not that it isn't great to see you. But it's not so great for you. What'd you do wrong? Laugh at his dick?

Not me," said Jimmy, trying to joke. "I don't have a price." Wrong, as usual.

Besides, who would think of marrying a mothball? A question my mother put to me often, later, in other forms.

Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans, as used to be said; though in present day, the idea of God laughing is next door to blasphemy. An ultra-serious fellow, God is now.

I wish I had a pig ball.

There are a great many buttocks in this room. I am no longer used to them.

Some cheap do-it-yourself enlightenment handbook, Nirvana for halfwits.

He lacked the energy to work the crowd, he was fresh out of innocuous drivel... Saggy boobs, ran the thought balloon in his head. Bunfaced tofubrain. Thumbsucking posterboy. Fridgewoman. Sell his granny. Wobble-bummed bovine. Bladderheaded jerk.

We use butter, I said. When we can get it. Or margarine. A lot of the time it's margarine. Butter, he said, musing. That's very clever. Butter. He laughed. I could have slapped him.

Every day a bad-hair day? My hair was driving me crazy, but then Ã¢â'¬Â¦ I died. Don

no matter what I do there's something hilarious about it. He wanted me to play Scrabble with him, and kiss him as if I meant it.

since his paycheck barely sustained him. As he wryly observed, "the last twenty-nine days of the month were the hardest.

I don't know if I'm a bottom because it turns me on, or if I'm a bottom because I'm lazy.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. It is vital to mourn for the victims of this government, but not at the expense of losing our sense of humor. Our ability to laugh coincides directly with our ability to fight. If we can make fun of it, we can transcend it.

There are only two perfectly useless things in the world," he quipped. "One is an appendix and the other is Poincaré!

Oh, and last week? I changed into a tiger and scared Tommy Bertram so bad he wet his pants. Wait'll he sees my dragon.

You know I don't read novels,' she said and, trying to equal his jesting mood, went on: 'Besides, you one said it was the height of bad form for husbands and wives to love each other.' 'I once said too God damn many things,' he retorted abruptly and rose to his feet.

You know I don't read novels,' she said and, trying to equal his jesting mood, went on: 'Besides, you once said it was the height of bad form for husbands and wives to love each other.' 'I once said too God damn many things,' he retorted abruptly and rose to his feet.

But Gerald has known poverty, and he could never learn to lose money with good humor or good grace.

Really, Scarlett, I can't go all my life, waiting to catch you between husbands.

Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.