Quotes About Humor

The funniest things are the forbidden.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

If someone sent you a suicide note," Gertrude said. "You'd correct the spelling and send it back to them." "They'd at least die grammatically," said Alice.

Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.

I was mightily troubled with a looseness, and feeling for a chamber-pott, there was none, I having called the maid up out of her bed, she had forgot I suppose to put one there; so I was forced in this strange house to rise and shit in the chimney twice.

But I could not stay with him myself, for having got a great cold by my playing the fool in the water yesterday I was in great pain, and so went home by coach to bed, and went not to the office at all, and by keeping myself warm, I broke wind and so came to some ease. Rose and eat some supper, and so to bed again.

He laughed. "So you see, I'm not a nut. Not a real one, anyway. I haven't been a real nut in a long time.

That horse dick he got swinging between his legs is just full of that there compassion

Most comics make jokes to defend themselves against what they see as a hostile and inhumane world often a deeply felt rage.

Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed. - The Fat Man, Medical Resident in The House of God

"Ha! ha!" quoth he, "full plain I see,The Devil knows how to row."

No mind is thoroughly well-organized that is deficient in a sense of humor.

Votre mari n'est pas là madame Eiffel - Non il est allé faire une tour.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Sir Winston Churchill (1874–1965), British politician

Do you even know the difference between a girder and a joist?' he asks pompously. 'Ah, well, yes,' answers the Irishman in his laconic way. 'Goethe wrote Faust and Joyce wrote Ulysses.

One night, as he wiped ketchup from a pillowcase, I declared, 'Dear God, Alan, we're almost like an old married couple, except we don't have sex.' 'No, Sandi,' he replied, 'we're exactly like an old married couple.

My Achilles heel of laughter, the things that will make me laugh even on my deathbed, lie in two rather unusual areas: yodelling and amusing ways to die. No matter how sombre an occasion I will always giggle at yodelling.

I was once on a Tube train late at night when a young man sitting opposite pointed to his crotch and demanded, 'What do you think of that?' Thinking he might be showing me some interesting point in a book, I replied, 'I'm sorry, I can't see anything small without my specs.' He fled at the next station and it was only when he got up that I realised he hadn't been carrying a book at all.

scientists say that being fat can lead to dementia. I have decided, however, to throw caution to the winds and proceed with my all-cream-cake regime. It seems to me that the fatter I get, the fewer places I will go and so the less I will have to remember.

Did you know that 75 per cent of people who read the sentence, 'It is not possible to lick your own elbow', will try? The other 25 per cent work for the parcel delivery service and would like you to try for them.

Well, the most important, overriding arc of my career has been that I would never be self-deprecating. I had seen all these people before me who are great performers and were reflective of their time--Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers and Totie Fields and all the early comediennes--and it was always like, "I'm fat! I'm ugly! My husband has to put a bag over my head when he comes to bed!" I was like, "I'm never gonna do that."

The F word turns me on, she whispered. The F word? Food He threw back his head and laughed. It rumbled up out of his chest and felt so good it startled him. For the first time in years,his laughter was spontaneous. It wasn`t tinged with bitterness and cynicism.

Usually comedy is only available to us ladies in the romantic comedy. That's why I hate romantic comedies.

You doan go diggin' for gold in an outhouse.