Quotes About Humor

There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of Leonardo DiCaprio into the uterus, and if the baby punches it, it's a boy.

It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.

I decided I like that mode. It's how I think - it's my voice. I like being funny and sad at the same time, or funny and disturbing at the same time. It's my natural voice.

Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?

People don't remember you for all of the good things you do. They remember the time you blew a giant green snot bubble out your nose.

It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

It is hard to find something where you can go off as much as I do in stand-up, but I think stand-up allows me that freedom where you can really go off and have a good time.

Once he'd even reprogrammed the electronic billboards in Time Square to read: ALL DA LADIES LUV LEO... accidentally, of course.

It is one of the most discouraging experiences I have ever had, not forgetting the time when I winked at the Queen Mother in London once.

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

Black belt in Akihito. (Amanda) Any other time, I'd kiss you for that. (Kyrian)

Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.

It is difficult to be funny and great at the same time. Aristophanes and Moliere and Mark Twain must sit below Aristotle and Bossuet and Emerson.

Does FBI mean Federal Bureau of Idiots?

want to change history?" Luke made a stab at humor.

Luke's dad harrumphed, and paused in the midst of shoveling forkfuls of boiled potatoes into his mouth.

Why didn't you tell me that evil could be so lighthearted?

I have been thinking-- He chuckled. Always a dangerous thing for a woman to do, he said.

over protective? a butler in a grade- B movie? someones jewish mother? you got it

Life like Stew!!! -Gully Dwarf saying (Dragonlance)

Tas had been teasing Flint unmercifully all morning, calling him Seamaster and Shipmate asking him the price of fish, and how much he would charge to Ferry them back across the lake. Flint finally threw a rock at him, and Tennis sent ass down to the lake to scrub out the pans.

Well, I guess we're off, like a herd of mad turtles as my dad used to say.