Quotes About Humor

We're comic. We're all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

Bette Davis had very strong opinions and was not afraid to express them. She wasn't afraid of anything that I ever saw. And she was so funny. She's just funny and she was laughing all the time.

Never get behind old people. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left

Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down.

For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

I don't think men have time to be funny because they have to make all of our rules about what we can do with our vaginas.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

They tell you that at his age, all they do is eat, sleep, and poop. And what I've learned is they can actually do all three at the same time. Who knew?

you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

I was young and not gloomy and there were always strange and comic things that happened in the worst time.

Send her a quick note while you're stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.

I see all. I hear all. I know all. And I spend a great deal of time in the bathroom.

And I laugh at myself when I screw things up, which happens all the time.

Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins.

Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have

I'd worked with Marlon [Brando] a couple of times, and he was a practical joker. He was far more interested in getting jokes out than getting the words out. We laughed all the time.

Comedy is not my world. It's difficult for me, but sometimes you just have to go with it and have a good time.