Quotes About Humor

The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can't seem to come up with anything new that's funny. That's a tough place to be as a comedian.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

It's mighty funny. The end of time has just begun.

People have asked me a lot of times, because I didn't hit a lot, how long a dozen bats would last me. Depending on the weight and model I was using at that time - I would say eight to 10 cookouts.

Tim Henman has the all-time Betty Crocker draw. We're talking Easy Bake Oven.

I eat stickers all the time dude!

I follow the most random people on Twitter. I follow famous people like Khloe Kardashian, who surprisingly makes really funny tweets all the time.

I kind of did this thing in high school, a spoof of 'Sweeney Todd' called 'Shirley Todd,' and I had a great time doing that.

I make up different names for my cat all the time - Flapjack, Bowtie, Popcorn. But he's really, "Hey you, cat."

The only time a wife listens to her husband is when he's asleep.

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt

Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street.

I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.

I think noogies can be effective if done at the right time and place.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

I'm not on all the time. I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker.

The last time I had this much fun was a root-canal operation.

It's time that we began to laugh and cry and cry and laugh about it all again.

I was something of a prankster. One time I put a ski mask on my head and used a fake gun on the school secretary so that I could get some of my friends out of detention.

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

I spend most of my time catching up on classic comedy - things you absolutely have to see.