Quotes About Humor

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

Once upon a time I owned a watermelon.

The Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies, of all time.

On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last time?'

You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time.

Frank Zhang: lumbering klutz, child of Mars, part-time pachyderm.

I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What's a better way to pass the time than laughing or smiling?

If the gag is complicated, you spend more time thinking about the way you're drawing it.

You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.

Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother - she looks like my father

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

The easiest time to be funny is during a fairly serious situation. That way you can break the ice.

I forget the derivation of Boxing Day, but the feeling of wanting to invite your loved ones outside one at a time and punch them in the face, does that come into it somewhere?

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.

I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.

I told Warren if he mentions Prop. 13 one more time, he has to do 500 push-ups.

I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.