Quotes About Humor

I like girls to be wild but at the same time beautifully brought up and very funny.

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

My approach is I put God first; I say "God willing" all the time. The only way things will change is with God. So knowing that I can't really change anything, I'm just going to satire it.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I'm friends with Hank Azaria. We were on a show together 800 years ago, and we laugh every single time.

Fashionably amusing table manners are a matter of breaking the right rule at the right time.

To me, the movie is more funny if, at the same time, you can think a little bit or dream a little bit.

Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never got a dinner!

The first time I ate organic whole-grain bread I swear it tasted like roofing material.

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

Last time I looked at a [pay]check, I said to myself, 'Who the hell is FICA? And when I meet him, I'm going to punch him in the face. Oh my God, FICA is killing me.'

Every time the word 'breastfeeding' is mentioned, there's a snicker on the House floor. This has been happening since the dawn of creation. Can we finally get a grip on it?

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

If we took Congress seriously, we would be worrying all the time.

I like dark humor. My favorite movie of all time is 'Harold and Maude.'

We've got people looking at our seamy side and our sad side a lot of the time because that's easier. It's much more difficult to make a film about happiness with lots of jokes in it.

I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.

As an actor, when you're doing comedies, you're around fantastic, funny people and you hopefully have a really good time doing it.

I'm definitely the kind of person to wear underwear all the time.

My doctor said to me afterwards, 'When you were ill you behaved like a true philosopher. Every time you came to yourself you made a joke.' I never had a compliment that pleased me more.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

I joke around all the time, 'I'm Asian; I'm really good at math.'

The vice-president's tongue is several time zones ahead of his brain.