Quotes About Humor

These days, the House Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder time than they give me. Which means orange really is the new black.

Smile...it kills time between disasters.

The weird thing is that I hate to fly, and the quote that I give people is that every time I get off a plane, I view it as a failed suicide attempt.

It takes time to develop a sense of humor, shared world views.

I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

Time magazine put Chris Christie on the cover with the caption, 'The Elephant in the Room.' And People magazine named him 'Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.'

I don't really read the reviews, but I remember one a long time ago I read that said that I had a face like a potato.

From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that's what I had to do.

A crisis + time = humor.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit.

I always tell Bobby he was up in the air so so long that I had had time to shower and change before he hit the ice.

I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was I should cut my bangs.

I've decided to pick my moment to retire very carefully – in about 200 years' time.

In comedy timing is everything, but Betty White is the rarest of comics who seems to have mastered time itself.

If I had a choice, I would do comedy all the time. It's just the most challenging thing. To make someone laugh is the most challenging thing, and the most rewarding thing, in entertainment.

Humour ended up being a really useful skill when it came time to be an international television celebrity.

I might have been able to make it as a pitcher except for one thing: I had a rather awkward motion and every time I brought my left arm forward I hit myself in the ear.

You called me and said you were home and wanted to go out for a pizza." "I did? What time is it?" "Time for pizza," [Catarina] replied.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.

If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're just doing old jokes!' But bands do it all the time.

I'd like to think that I'm getting slightly more mature as time goes on, but I don't know if my fiancee would necessarily agree.