Quotes About Humor

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

That's the last time I let Wesley Snipes help me out with my taxes!

When I was in school I used to prank my teachers all the time. But I was really, really nice. I love to make people laugh. And even in those pranks, the teachers would laugh most of the time.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they're apologizing all the time. They responded saying, 'Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.'

Rick Perry dropped out of the presidential race. When asked what went wrong, Perry said, I guess America is not ready to elect a dumb guy from Texas. But in time.

Dell Computers announced they're releasing a competitor for the iPad. Now it is, in fact, a great alternative for people who already have an iPad, but are fed up with it working all the time.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!

Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises.

I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing hilariously bad suits. Their leader was Josef Stalin (Russian for "Joey Bananas")

How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.

You made me lose my appetite, Boomer." "My mom tells me that all the time. Your family must be just like mine!

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

I think that came out of watching all those serious movies for all that time. If you watch a movie like Zero Hour, Sterling Hayden is pretty funny, and so are the guys in the cockpit.

What looks tragic might be comic on second consideration, and what is comic might bring tears in time.

I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.

Usually my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it.

You get to a certain point, especially if you're a comedian, where people think certain things. It's like, I don't take the time to explain it to people, it's just part of what I do.

Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.

Desmond, don't poke the baby!'... 'I'll get you next time-' Don't threaten the baby either!'.

I did a 'Golden Girls' once, which shot in front of an audience, and that went well. I had a good time. But I need an audience, for comedy at least.

I wanted to be John Cleese. It took me some time to realise that the job was taken.