Quotes About Humor

I really worry about these political people that have no personal life. If there's nothing that's lovely, and if there's nothing that's just ephemeral, that you can just lie on the floor and bust a gut laughing at, then what's the point?

Hide!' she whispered. 'The vegetarians are coming.

I'm Popeye the sailor man  dum dum I live in a cara-van  dum dum I op-en the door And fall-on the floor I'm Popeye the sailor man  dum dum

to the girl. "Ha'penny," he muttered. To me, he said, "I know why your nose is so long, Cap'n. You use it to poke into business 'tisn't yours." "True." I touched the

I laughed and dismissed the idea.

You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny.

It is impossible to be angry for very long with a man who wears a wig.

I should imagine that in my time I have eaten enough horses to provide a royal escort.

Se her, mine brødre, en menneskeskjebne blant mange andre, og erkjenn at et menneskes liv kan ta seg ut som en dårlig spøk!

Our lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity.

Now I can add prostitute to my list of life's accomplishments.

I couldn't help but think, This car is taking me to a mental hospital and my mother is treating it like open-mic night at a Greenwich Village café.

My mother is from Cairo, Georgia. This makes everything she says sound like it went through a curling iron.

look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it

Saying just the right thing after a considerable, awkward pause is far less effective than saying the wrong thing with perfect timing. I'm telling you.

If my mother was odd enough to crave a bubble bath at three in the morning, Dorothy was inventive enough to suggest adding broken glass to the tub. If my mother insisted on listening to West Side Story repeatedly, it was Dorothy who said, 'Let's listen to it on forty-five!' And when my mother announced that she wanted a fur wrap like Auntie Mame, Dorothy bought her an unstable Norwegian elkhound from a puppy mill.

I once read about a guy who lost his arms in a fire. The nurse took pity on him and gave him a hand job. I don't even get that.

What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan?

Rarely do very handsome men allow their faces to run around without a leash. I am not very handsome, but I am above-average handsome, which means I have spent only one-sixteenth of my life in front of a mirror practicing facial expressions, as opposed to the maybe one-fourth that a very handsome guy might have. Yet I can tell you that if I had accidentally spilled coffee on a first date, I would have immediately made facial expression number 69b: Spilled Coffee on First Date face.

Never work with children, puppies or bulimics

I could not imagine the kind of person that would, upon seeing a crazy talcum-powder-covered Southern lady think to herself, Hmmmm, she might make a great new friend. The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin.

What I like about you is that I've never met anybody like you in my life. You've got depth and you're funny and you have a sweet, good soul. A breeze from the water passes over us, And I admire your strength.

Oh, I had a great time. My thirty-three-year-old boyfriend said he wished they could package my cum like ice cream so he could eat it all day.

Not all gay men send me penis pictures. But no straight men do. And to date, no woman has sent me a picture of her vaginal canal. 'I know it's a little stretched out, but I've had four kids. What do you expect? LOL.