Quotes About Humor

I would borrow the microphone and stuff it down the front of my pants, examining myself from every angle in the mirror

I slipped on a turtleneck, laughing when my head became stuck in the turtle part. If they weren't called turtlenecks, I wouldn't have worn them.

That may be true, I thought, But they don't have digital cable or Internet access, so really what's the point of being alive? Civilized life, with all its threats and potential dooms, is too much to bear without the respite of three hundred channels. True, Osama bin Laden may very well send nuclear-bomb-filled suitcases on Amtrak trains into Penn Station, but until then: I Love the 80s on VH1.

Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it. —Jules Renard, 1890

It's not such a huge deal when this happens at a 7-Eleven. It's pretty huge, though, when you spend the entire job interview trying not to come across like a box of hair and you come across like a box of hair.

If you loathe your job, the situation is improved if you can do it in your underwear. Drunk. *

No matter how awful something is, you can always sell tickets.

Sometimes, I wrap aluminum foil around Cream's middle, around her legs and her tail and then I walk her through the house on a leash. I like it when she's shiny, like a star, like a guest on the Donnie and Marie Show.

He sees the shit that happens around me - or because of me - so now he is only 99.99 percent certain I can't turn him into a frog.

would like to chop you up into small, manageable pieces and grill you on a hibachi, then feed you to my shar-pei. But all that comes out is Welcome to moviefone!

You know, American alcoholics are pretty fucking hard to insult.

There is helium in his tone of voice, a lightness that means mischief.

Frustrated at never being able to figure out which silver Prius was mine, I put a second Obama sticker on the bumper, because having only one made it indistinguishable from the rest. I suppose, if I really wanted to make it easier to find, I'd slap a National Rifle Association sticker on it.

One loses everything when one loses one's sense of humor.

We didn't really have to take everything so seriously, did we?

And suddenly, for the first time this day, we remembered that we are the damned. We remembered it, and we laughed.

The fastest way to change is to laugh at your own folly

forma más rápida de cambiar consistía en reírse de la propia estupidez, pues sólo así puede uno desprenderse de ella y seguir rápidamente su camino.

He realized the fastest way to change is to laugh at your own folly—then you can let go and quickly move on.

As Haw prepared to leave, he started to feel more alive, knowing that he was finally able to laugh at himself, let go and move on.

Advirtió que la manera más rápida de cambiar es reírse de la propia estupidez. Después de hacerlo, uno ya es libre y puede seguir avanzando.

Perhaps you've heard the one about the difference between a bass player and a large pepperoni pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four. I

I conclude you must be a natural horses's ass.

God save us from gloomy saints!