Quotes About Humor

BAILIFF (cautiously): Sir, his name's El-Fayoumy. JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: What? BAILIFF: You called him El-Fajita. JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Just gimme my glasses! BAILIFF: You're wearing them, sir.

Grounded in awareness of transiency, ambiguity, and contingency, such a person values lightness of touch, flexibility and adaptability, a sense of humor and adventure, appreciation of other viewpoints, a celebration of difference.

This is the way I think the world will end—with general giggling by all the witty heads, who think it is a joke.' Kierkegaard.

No hay nada como respirar hondo después de reírte tanto. Nada en el mundo como el dolor de estómago por una buena causa.

My sister was the one who told me where babies come from. My sister was also the one who laughed when I immediately asked her where babies go to.

There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons

my grandfather always says is too dry even if it's soup.

What has 32 legs and 1 tooth?' What?' we all asked. A West Virginia unemployment line.

they were really having fun being cynical, and I didn't want to ruin it.

There's nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons. It was that great.

there is nothing like taking deep breaths after laughing that hard.

Patrick made jokes to keep everyone honest.

I'm going to tell Mom and Dad, you know? No, you're not. God, I couldn't stop laughing. When my sister thought about it for a second, I think she figured out why she wouldn't tell Mom or Dad. It's like she suddenly remembered where we were and what had just happened and how crazy our whole conversation was considering all that. Then, she started laughing.

I thought that in those movies and television shows when they talk about having a coffee break that they should have a masturbation break.

They've been talking about their prom nonstop. Even the people that think it's a "joke" like Mary Elizabeth can't stop talking about what a "joke" it is. It's all very fun to witness.

Verrazzano must have been turning in his grave. (Except that he didn't have one because he'd been eaten.)

So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.

I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

Christianity is the best way to cure gayness—just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.

What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?