Quotes About Humor

Put an egg in your shoe and beat it, make like a tree and leave, imitate an amoeba and split.

Hodges remembers an old saying: even on the darkest day, the sun shines on some dog's ass.

It's like the old pie-in-the-face routine: it stops being funny when it starts being you.

It's actually against my religion to laugh at men who are toting guns.

I'm not laughing at you guys, King said. It's actually against my religion to laugh at men who are toting guns.

There's an old joke about Alzheimer's: the good news is that you meet new people every day.

Looking back on it, I sometimes think my life was like a Dickens novel, only with swearing.

maybe the world needs a cadre of smartasses to liven things up, who knows?

and at the bottom, all tragedies are stupid. Give me a choice and I'll take A Midsummer Night's Dream over Hamlet every time. Any fool with steady hands and a working set of lungs can build up a house of cards and then blow it down, but it takes a genius to make people laugh.

In many ways, Eulah-Beulah prepared me for literary criticism. After having a two-hundred-pound babysitter fart on your face and yell Pow!, The Village Voice holds few terrors.

Do you happen to have another Condom? I think I've discovered the cure for headaches.

I guess a sock is also a geometric shape—technically—but I don't know what you'd call it. A socktagon?

Perhaps kids really did come into the world trailing clouds of glory, as Wordsworth had so confidently proclaimed, but they also shit in their pants until they learned better.

As W.H. Auden pointed out, the Reaper takes the rolling in money, the screamingly funny, and those who are very well hung. But that isn't where Auden starts his list. He starts with the innocent young.

It was, he supossed, one of the adventages of having married a doctor- you could shove the kid at your husband whenever the kid seemed to be dying.

Your pimples are the Lord's way of chastising you. Now eat your pie.

but shame is like laughter. And inspiration. It doesn't knock.

They said the stock market crashed, or something, but since I'm deaf I didn't hear it (ha-ha).

Beans, beans, the musical fruit, The more you eat, the more you toot.

It was as hysterical as a woman having a hot flash.

I guess most jokes have some truth in them and that's what makes them funny.

If you can't afford a movie, go to the zoo. If you can't afford the zoo, go see a politician.

Your Plan and the stuff that comes out of my asshole bear a suspicious resemblance to each other.

We can always lace a sense of humor around anything.