Quotes About Humor

If I'd known what marriage was going to be like, well, heck, I probably would have tied all those hope-chest linens into a rope and hung myself from a tree!

Probably Emmy had moved now. I would be in Knoxville soon, she'd be in Lee County, and whoever was sitting at control center of the universe, laughing his ass off.

Do you have children? I have five. Three girls, two boys, all scoundrels. But not an anarchist in the brood. I've failed completely.

Alabado sea el señor de todas las plagas y secretas aflicciones! Si Dios se divirtió inventando los lirios del campo, seguro que se partió de risa con los parásitos de África.

Even a joke has some weight and takes up space, and when introduced into a vacuum, acquires its own gravity.

A quick way to improve food-related fuel economy would be to buy a quart of motor oil and drink it.

tell him I am mopping the floor, spelled with a silent As you can plainly see, dumbass. He says he doesn't think that's going to do the job.

In our state—no kidding—they are called Standards of Learning, or "SOLs." (I don't think anyone intended the joke.)

Stoner asks what I think I'm doing. I tell him I am mopping the floor, spelled with a silent As you can plainly see, dumbass.

If I eat one more egg omelet I think Ill turn over easy and cluck.

To hear you tell it, you'd think man was only put on this earth to keep urinals from going to waste.

sweet orange Jaune Flammes, which are just the right size to slice in half, sprinkle with salt and thyme, and bake for several hours until they resemble cow flops (the recipe says "shoes," if you prefer).

And my husband, why, hell hath no fury like a Baptist preacher.

God made us the butt of the joke universe.

Maggot calmed me down by explaining Bible stories were a category of superhero comics.

A select group of friends and I have formed a secret slut society. We wear trousers, we have fascinating work, and it's possible that the dust bunnies under our beds could be breeding dust bison.

Like the saying goes: They passed out the brains, he thought they said trains and he missed his.

Meg tried to squeeze past his long legs, but there wasn't room; she had to lower the toilet seat and lie across it in order to reach him, and part of her mind roared with slightly hysterical laughter at the absurdity of the position.

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. Batmobile Lost its wheel, And Joker got away.

Barbara died in 2013, but her legacy lives on in the laughter her books give to readers all over the world.

stewie pewie tomatoes. And also sometimes

Mrs. plopped me in my chair. Then

That's when that Grace kicked Lucille in the leg.

attract more friends, and extend life. Humor heals.