Quotes About Humor

When I got home last night my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to a gas station and then the fight started.

I've often wondered why condoms are called French letters.

I read it somewhere once." She laughed. "You did not." "I did. Okay, I wrote it down first. Then I read it. But still.

We are studying sensible ways to amend our own constitution in India. And we often joke that perhaps you Americans could lend us yours, because you seem no longer to be using it yourselves.

Miser Shen is preparing to spend the night with a goat.

The best jokes are often only understood by one other person.

One of the clearest ways to evaluate the common beliefs of a society is to consider the satires that arise within it. Satire makes fun of standard assumptions, perspectives, views, and beliefs.

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Crisscross, applesauce, I hate boys!

Porta-Potty Tip: Breathe through your mouth. AND DON'T LOOK DOWN.

Chris: How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? Teddy: Hey, I'm French, okay? Chris: Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant. [Chris and Gordie laugh] Teddy: Didn't I just say I was French?

Friendships founded on laughter are always fortuitous.

She remembered Scott saying that people shouldn't be allowed houses with more than two toilets to shit in, it gives them delusions of grandeur.

Eventual, as Pug used to say. When he wanted to say something was really good, he's never say it was awesome, like most people do; he'd say it was eventual. How funny is that? The old Pugmeister. I wonder how he's doing.

THERE IS NO GRAVITY, THE EARTH JUST SUCKS.

Dad-a-jum, dad-a-jiggers, goddam lobsters bit off your fingers, King said, and actually laughed.

Roll me in sugar and call me a fuckin jelly-doughnut!

That ain't Chanel Number Five I smell comin from the direction of your butt, is it?

Can a dead buck with good insurance make a little dough?

Because—dig it—when it comes to death, what can you do but laugh?

At moments like this he suspected that Hitler had been nothing but a harried bureaucrat and Satan himself a mental defective with a rudimentary sense of humor—the kind that finds feeding firecrackers wrapped in bread to seagulls unutterably funny.

Humor is almost always anger with its makeup on, I think, but in little towns the makeup tends to be thin.

Margaret had a face like the ass end of a gasoline truck and a body to match.

I say, if you can't laugh you might as well laugh anyway.

Goddam life, I say, if you can't laugh you might as well laugh anyway. That's my goddam attitude, and I'll stick by it; this ain't a sad world unless you're sane