Quotes About Humor

Alright, good night," he said, his words a little slurred. "But before I pass out, I want you to know that you're the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat.

Me? I'm being ridiculous? You're the one flirting for your thesis. What the hell kind of degree is that anyway? A doctorate of dick tease?

This was fun. We should find out we're still married more often." "Why, so every day can be a special new plunge into hell?" "Nobody I'd rather burn with than you, babe.

Can I get you anything? A drink? A fresh change of clothes? A membership card to Hypocrites International?

I like someone who laughs, but not all the time, and not too loud. I like it when someone laughs at the world, and not at someone in particular — when some particularly absurd thing happens, not just someone falling down.

When you meet someone new who instantly gets you, your sense of humor and your attitudes and your worldview, even if theirs are different - and you get them in return. You both talk and talk and agree and laugh and nod and yes, yes, of course you should get another round of drinks.

Tata? Mm? Da smo slonovi, bili bismo pet slonova. Da. Blesavo, je l' da? Da ,jeste. Zamisli to! Da. Odli?no Bertolde.Lepo.

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

It is upsetting to many parents that their teen-agers introduce them to their friends as encyclopedia salesmen who are just passing through ... if they introduce them at all. I have some acquaintances who hover in dark parking lots, enter church separately and crouch in furnace rooms so their teen-agers will not be accused of having parents.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

I think one of the real tests of a stable marriage is being married to a man who worships at the shrine of burnt food -- the back-yard chef.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

There were really only two men I knew who ever got a laugh out of paying their income taxes. One was cheating the government and getting away with it. The other had a sick sense of humor and would probably have set up a concession stand at the Boston Tea Party and sold sugar cubes and lemon slices.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.