Quotes About Joke

I like to put shaving cream in the door handle of people's cars and that kind of thing.

I said that we should be all right if we had some cigarettes. I only meant this as a joke; nevertheless half an hour later McNair appeared with two packets of Lucky Strike. He had braved the pitch-dark streets, roamed by Anarchist patrols who had twice stopped him at the pistol's point and examined his papers. I shall not forget this small act of heroism. We were very glad of the cigarettes.

Similarly the animal psychologist, Aristophanes, accidentally discovered the world's first joke while inquiring into the hitherto mysterious motivations of pathway-traversing fowl.

Anyone with a sense of humor can see that life is a joke, not a tragedy.

Oh, Kit, don't joke me! I am going distracted !

Most of us don't think forwarding a racist joke or speaking in an insulting 'comedic' accent is appropriate at the workplace. Unfortunately, for those raised in the toxic culture of conservatism, the sort of mentality that leads government employees to do those things is widespread.

There is a painful joke that Europeans often tell of their Gallic neighbors: God created France, the most beautiful country in the world with so much good in it, and ended up feeling guilty about it. He had to do something to make it fair. And so, he created the French people.

Someone said Anderson Silva and GSP would be a $12 million fight. I told people that for $12 million, I'd fight them both right now. At the same time. People took that as 'He's going to fight again.' It was a joke. But if you came up with $12 million, yeah, of course I will fight again.

My Twitter is a joke toilet, and I filter all these old, cringe-y parts of my brother and my childhood through that in an attempt to flush it down the drain forever.

Liquor does this? Even after you're sober?" "A cruel joke, isn't it? The gods put a price tag on everything, it seems.

Benjamin Franklin wasn't trusted to write the US Declaration of Independence because it was feared he would conceal a joke in it.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, why the long face?

Waiter, waiter! Do you have frog legs? No, sir, I always walk this way.

Q: What do you call a pissed-off German? A: Sauerkraut.

Q: What do you call a fat Chinaman? A: A chunk.

Q: What is the first derivative of a cow? A: Prime rib.

Q: What did the Chinese couple name their special-needs baby? A: Sum Ting Wong.

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a bourbon and…a Coke." The bartender says, "What's up with the big pause?" The bear says, "I've had them my whole life.

Q: How do you make holy water? A: Fill a pot with water and boil the hell out of it.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer.

Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? A: It felt crummy.

Q: Why did the orange go to the hospital? A: It wasn't peeling well.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A: Nacho cheese.

Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet? A: You look a little flushed.