Quotes About Irony

It was a full Spears album, apparently, and each song was as ridiculous as the one before. They were catchy, yes, but so was the plague.

I can never be perfectly certain whether Helen was got with child by Leonard Bast or by his fatal forgotten umbrella. All things considered, I think it must have been the umbrella.

Prepare yourself for some bad news: Ronald Reagan's library just burned down. Both books were destroyed. But the real horror: He hadn't finished coloring either one of them.

Stealing is good, honest work, " Said the theif, puffing out his chest. "Well, not honest, strictly speaking, " he admitted after a moment. "Or actually good.

It was a little difficult to take him seriously when he sang along to a song about a woman taking another woman's man.

It's funny how things work out.Trouble is, I'm still not laughing.

Your wit never ceases to underwhelm me.

Shocked to see me?" I drawl at them, chuckling at the horrific joke.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Isn't he cute? That he thinks he has a sense of humour?

I get a kick out of cursing people for life on Sundays.

Kind of a bummer, getting your butt kicked by a dead guy.

You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you, " Garrett joked.

she: Before we got married you told me you were well-off. he: I was and I didn't know it.

I laugh because your pain is amusing.

People often think that you have a sense of humor because you think that life is funny. Life isn't funny at all. It's appalling and tragic.

I've never been a goalscorer, only own goals. Good own goals.

It's ironic, isn't it? Our goal was great. Our path was dark.

I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty. I laugh when I hear that people go on pilgrimage to find God.

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.