Quotes About Wit

Churchill kept perspective on the crowds that gathered to hear him speak by conceding they would be twice as big if gathered to see him hanged.

Sir, se lei fosse mio marito, io le avvelenerei il tè. -Madam, se lei fosse mia moglie, io lo berrei. Dialogo tra Lady Astor e Winston Churchill

He had tried to catch her out, but always she thought ahead of him. Her wits moved quick. The snow leopard was sharper than the black bear.

A joke is a very serious thing.

An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea. Churchill's response, Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

A joke's a very serious thing.

Why did the chicken cross the road? there already was a chicken on this side of the road.

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in those words.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I can't fight. I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.

Like Bertrand Russell, I feel a great sadness for the human race. Unlike Bertrand Russell, I can't do long division.

For the written record in this personal document, let me simply say to me, Groucho Marx, W. C. Fields, and Elaine May are indisputably funny, with S.J. Perelman the funniest human of my time on earth.

I wrote one single joke for Don Adams. Jonathan Winters needed nothing from anyone; he was simply a genius.

Quieres reírte de mí? Cuando alguien me decía: Thank you, yo contestaba: Of nothing.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

Man is unconquerable because he can make even his helplessness so entertaining. His motto seems to be "Even though He slay me, yet will I make fun of Him!

Always quick with the wit. It's your defense, isn't it? Little girl doesn't want the world to know how sad she is, how damaged. Your words, your attitude, all a big misdirection. A magician's trick.

Lawrence says, "I have an old maiden aunt too, and her place smells just like this. What [i] is [/i] that smell, anyway?" "Age and desperation?" I suggest. "Bitterness and despair?" Vanessa says. "Baked fish?" says Harry. "She does like tilapia," I admit.

While I know you (and I) hold brevity to be the soul of wit, description should not be the second-class citizen

Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right.