Quotes About Mishap

Yesterday a woman had her son pee into a cup, which of course tipped over. "That's fine," I said, "but Santa's also going to need a stool sample.

And it's bad enough to be caught in your underpants but even worse to be caught in your underpants scratching out a valium prescription on someone else's pad.

Do you know you're bleeding? he asked. I had a suspicion. That looks nasty. My apologies. What happened to your forehead? A fork. A fork? Yes, sir. I wish I'd been eating with a spoon. You stabbed yourself with a fork? It flipped. Flipped? The fork. A flipped fork? It flicked my forehead. Pausing in the counting of my change, he gave me a narrow look. That's right, I said. A flipped fork flicked my forehead.

I didn't know you could break your finger just hanging up clothes. God Almighty, you situate your hand wrong between a blouse and a clothespin and everything suddenly changes. What a stupid life this is." "Did

Chier, parce que tout partait de travers. L'éclairage, la bande-son, l'action.

I'm sorry I hurt your hand...with my face. -Bobby Pendragon

Once I accidentally left my passport in Nice, France, when I was on my way to Prague. Upon arriving in Vienna, after taking an overnight, and being asked to present my travel documents and realizing I forgot them at the hotel, they kicked me off the train and sent me back!

You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.

You told everyone when I locked myself out last week. I fielded calls on that one all day long." "Yes, well, that's because you were wearing only your towel, which you dropped when you climbed in the window, mooning Mr. Kletzy across the street. Word is he hadn't seen a naked woman in fifty years. He's now requesting that next time you lose your towel at high noon because the light is better.

It turns out that Molly wasn't her mother's daughter in that respect. Charity was like the MacGuyver of the kitchen. She could whip up a five-course meal for twelve from an egg, two spaghetti noodles, some household chemicals, and a stick of chewing gum. Molly ... Molly once burned my egg. My boiled egg. I don't know how.

There was a roar from the shadow-tiger mask around the Harley, and Murphy swept up alongside the boat. I leapt down onto the back of the bike in a single smooth motion, which I felt was cool, and landed with too much of my weight on my genitals, which I felt was not.

Molly once burned my egg. My boiled egg. I don't know how.

Leave it to a man to mess things up

I think I twisted my ankle yesterday at the Museum of Modern Art. Or maybe at the Ancient History Museum or the Native American Museum. But it was definitely hurting by the time we got to the Museum of Math and Science. I should probably stay back at the hotel today.

It's a bad day when my glasses are M.I.A.

You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

I'm just the biggest klutz. That's the problem. I don't get hurt doing cool things.

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

I always like stories where the egg ends up on my face.

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

slipped on a cognitive banana peel

And that's when it fell off in my hand

The first time it was my turn to do the shopping, I overindulged my growing taste for exotic food with a bagful of goodies like smoked elk's liver and chocolate-covered ants and mackerel-and-prune soup and curried walrus testicles. I'd sort of forgotten about the milk and the bread and the eggs. I was never allowed to shop again.