Quotes About Mishap

I had a snowboarding accident. I fell off a horse. I've had a concussion, a fractured rib... I walk into walls. I'm always bruised up.

There's no such thing as a wardrobe malfunction - only a wardrobe opportunity.

I feel like every day of my life is a funny wardrobe malfunction!

I was jogging in the grass while on a warm-up and there was a sprinkler hole. I rolled my ankle, and it was really bad.

Of course, there were no paper towels to clean up with…just hand dryers. I rubbed my wet fingers over the ice cream, creating a big wet spot right in the center of my chest. Oh, yeah, beauty and poise contest, here I come.

She'd just rear-ended a cop car and she said that only the week before she'd been arrested shoplifting tortillas and salsa for a Sunday afternoon football party at her house. 'This is so not good,' she told me. 'Honestly, I have the worst luck.

Maybe this is how Michael Jackson came up with his moonwalk. Maybe he was acting out a time when he stepped in dogshit and tried to get it off his shoes.

Leave it to a man to mess things up

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Happiness is getting a brown gravy stain on a brown dress.

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

My horse was in the lead, coming down the home stretch, but the caddie fell off.

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up.

I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

I lost a button hole.

40Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error.

They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them.

I think we all love to watch something we know is going to go catastrophically wrong - the old banana skin syndrome, which is particular to the British sense of humour.