Quotes About Awkward

She's a warm fart at Christmas.

We had fun just messing around and being awkward like they would be awkward. There's always that stage in a friendship when you wonder whether it could be more.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

That awkward moment when you get caught staring at your crush...

I went to see my doctor with a nasty pain in the ass. Turns out he's already met my wife.

The awkward moment when you're just being nice and the person thinks you're flirting with them.

That awkward moment when you finish a math problem and your answer isn't even one of the choices.

They say you shouldn't lie to your doctor. But admit it, if they ask if you've ever had sex, and your mom is right there, you're gonna say no.

The awkward moment when you're pretending you're talking to someone on the phone and then it rings.

I now know how uncomfortable most parents have it when they're having the sex talk with their children.

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

When I saw the car pulling into the driveway and I saw her getting out and walking towards the house, can you imagine Nadezhda, I performed involuntary excretion in my trousers.

Sometimes you're about as funny as a busted condom.

A waitress had come out of nowhere. "What can I get you?" ?I looked around the table, only to realize that everyone was staring at me. ?"Uh... five... beers?" ? "Five beers." ?"Yup!" ?"Any particular kind?" ?"…good ones?" ? "Can I see your ID?" ? "Goddammit." I handed it over.

The thing is, my father has about as much rhythm as a drunken octopus […]

The penis, when you pull the underwear down, it's like a drunk friend just falling out of a car. —Jo Koy

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!" And then I dance, and they're like, "Not like that!"

I'm, like, super-clumsy and weird and funny and dorky.

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.