Quotes About Sarcasm

Screw you in the ass with an anglepoise lamp

And little girls went to charm schools. Now you've all got degrees from the University of Sarcasm.

Tell me, Francis, do you buy your one-liners wholesale? Only they're well past their sell-by.

I find sarcasm before noon sours the stomach.

You his brother?' 'Yes, damn it!' I burst out. "And all I want is to get my hands on whoever did this to him!' 'Funny,' said a dick dryly, 'but so do we.' I didn't like him much after that. Sarcasm is out of place when a man has just been brought face to face with personal tragedy. ("Walls That Hear You")

I just am a snob when it comes to humor.

That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.

With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you're parodying.

Like all true horse's asses, he hoped to go into politics.

I'd sneer and tell him he's got the cerebral finesse of an amoeba and delight in his squint of confusion.

Glad to see you, Pettigrew. Are you defending the bigamy to-morrow?" "Alas! I am neither prosecuting nor defending. In fact, I am here on false pretences. For the time being, I am the lowest thing in the scale of human creation." The Clerk's bushy eyebrows met in a frown. "You're not going to tell me you've been summoned on a jury?" he said incredulously.

If I weren't already dead, I'd have to kill myself just so I could roll over in my grave.

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

My humor was Victorian - and still is.

How can you be sure?" MacRae asked, one brow lifting in a mocking arch. "Will you be managing the operation yourself?" The way he asked, sarcasm wrapped in silk, elicited an odd little pang of recognition, as if she'd heard him say something in just that tone before. Which made no sense, since they'd never met until this moment.

And he raised his glass to her. It could have been a compliment. Or the most sarcastic gesture anyone had ever made to her.

And the way you dress reminds me of an unmade bed!" "Does that mean you'd like to lie on top of me?" he asked.

Sorry, No conprendo I don't speak Loser.

I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

Men, they have the two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, you fix him the burrito. —Rosita Rivera, who was well acquainted with politicians and men

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.

Clara will break him to bridle," Longmore said. "And if she can't cure his wild ways, who knows? Maybe he'll ride into a ditch or get run over by a post chaise, and she'll be a young widow. Do try to look on the bright side.

Do you know, Lady Bredon, I do believe in time, with the proper guidance, you might become almost . . . intelligent," he said. She put a hand to her head. "Where are my smelling salts?