Quotes About Sarcasm

The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman nor an Empire.

his T-shirt had words printed on it, so he was probably the brains of the outfit.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

(Don Fey had a large rubber stamp that said "bullshit, " which was and is awesome.)

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

dating you would be like a series of unnecessary root canals interspersed with occasional makeout sessions.

Nice: meaning I'm going to be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them - to you.

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.

Expecting anybody else?' Shane asked Eve. 'Your distant cousin Jack the Ripper dropping by too?' 'Screw you, Collins.

Bite me, Goth princess," Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything." "Maybe you should say that to Michael." "Not funny, Eve," Michael said. Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit," she said.

You are not my high school crush, idiot." "Great. I can die happy, then.

Really? Is he running for Worst Boyfriend Ever? In the subcategory of Completely Awesome.

Shane said, Don't worry. I'll protect you. Claire hit him in the shoulder. I don't need you to protect me. Then why am I going first? So you can take the first punch while I throw the second? So I'm bait? Ouch. You've been in Morganville way too long, girl.

Sure. Knock yourself out. No, really. Hammer to the head, works every time." Claire

Shane's head suddenly snapped around, and he turned his whole body after it, facing Myrnin and took a step toward him. He said, in a voice tight with fury, Would that be the dead guard in our damn basement? Well, of course, how many dead guards could there be? Why, did you kill one, too? Wasteful.

Are the two of you quite done with your sweet nothings? Because I might vomit.

Well, now I'm all jealous. I wish I had little voices in my head. Guess I'll just have to settle for people really being out to get me. Bitch, she said cordially. Bimbo.

Ah, I remember now why you ceased to amuse, Myrnin. You use honesy like a club.

What about me? Monica whined. Do you really want to know? Shane gave her a glare that should have scorched her hair off. Be grateful I'm not leaving you as an after-dinner mint on his pillow. Myrnin leaned close to Claire's ear and said, I think I like your young man. When she reacted in pure confusion, he held up his hands, smiling. Not in that way, my dear. He just seems quite trustworthy.

Don't go all unicorns pooping rainbows on us.

This is about as far as I can go without some sarcasm creeping in. But before it does, I must say, with utmost sincerity, that your cookies are good enough to bring some of these wax statues back to life. Thanks for that. I once made corn muffins for a fourth-grade project on Williamsburg and they came out like baseballs. So I'm not sure how to reciprocate... but, believe me, I shall.

He wants a fifteen thousand pound settlement. Fifteen thousand! He says you're a great deal of trouble. She hesitated for one startled moment before choking back a laugh. I am. I thought so. He leveled Drew a look. If I pay you the fifteen thousand, do you swear to keep her? Drew reared back his head. Forever? Her father scowled. Forever. Oh, I suppose. He gave a long-suffering sigh. If I must. She bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from laughing outright.

Well, la-di-dah," I said sarcastically. "You've got wings, mate.