Quotes About Sarcasm

April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously.

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while, " he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.

What are you doing here?"All right, he was standing in front of an easel, holding a paint palette and brush. "Taxidermy?" he responded with just a touch of his own sarcasm.

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)

What are you?" he demanded. "A slayer?" I rolled my eyes. "The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond cheerleader with questionable taste in men?

I know what you mean. I usually take it out on my older sister. You can lease her for a weekend or something if you need a psychological punching bag. I'll even give you a discount.

Yeah. Of course I can do simple math. I graduated high school, ya know.""What an accomplishment. No one has ever done that before.

Your wit never ceases to underwhelm me.

Shocked to see me?" I drawl at them, chuckling at the horrific joke.

I laugh because your pain is amusing.

'Tis but a scratch' 'A scratch?! Your arm's off!' 'No, it isn't.'

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it's pretty certain that she has his