Quotes from Scott McNeely

Q: What is the most common remark made by old people in antique stores? A: "I remember these.

Q: What's a pirate's favorite style of music? A: Aaaaargh & B.

Q: What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pocket? A: Mute.

PATIENT: Doctor, is it common for sixty-year-olds to have problems with short-term memory storage? DOCTOR: The problem is not storing memory. The problem is retrieval.

A golf club walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You'll be driving later.

Q: Did you hear about the new pirate movie? A: It's rated aaaargh.

Waiter, waiter! This soup tastes funny. Then why aren't you laughing?

Grandpa was sitting on a park bench when a policeman walked by and asked, "Why are you crying?" Grandpa said, "I'm in love with a twenty-year-old woman. She's smart, sexy, and rich!" "There now," said the policeman, "there's no need to cry about it." "Sure there is! I forget where we live.

Waiter, waiter! There's a twig in my soup. Hold on, sir, I'll get the branch manager.