Quotes from Ron White

I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I've always done. That's really where my best stuff comes from. I don't know how it happens. It just happens.

Don't bring your kids to my show, and I won't come to your house and cuss.

There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.

My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.

I don't do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil's show. He's a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn't give me any advice. He doesn't give solicited advice.

I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.'

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable - onstage, talking, making 'em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.

You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.

I don't think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.

Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.

There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.

Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.

I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever - plumbers and drywall hangers.

My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I've been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don't really look outside for stories.

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.

I just try to keep it fresh without sacrificing funny.

I'm not willing to drag my fans down a road I don't believe in. That's just my one little principle. I've only got one, and that's it.

It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.

The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant.