Quotes from Ron White

I've asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don't understand it. But I don't understand a lot of things.

I don't do any corporate work.

Ultimately I'm the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I'm pretty good at helping them get there.

I do a lot of gay-friendly stuff in my show, and men, women, they all love it. I practice non-judgment in my daily life and hope other people do the same thing.

It's something that's really fun to do. It's a family business.

Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.

I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.

We always go out looking for live music after our shows.

I've been married a few times. I'm not good at it.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.