Quotes from Janet Evanovich

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

The elevator doors opened, and Ranger stepped out and spied Tank stretched out on the carpet. Fainted, I said. Ranger walked to Tank and stood hands on hips, staring down at him. Tank doesn't faint. I've been in firefights with him. He's a rock. Well, the rock fainted.

I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman. -Ranger to Stephanie

Happens to me all the time...People are always underestimating my dumbness.

Is there anything else you need from me? Ranger asked. Not right now. There will come a time, Ranger said. Let me know when. And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.

You're a lunatic. You ran me over with a goddamn Buick.

I'm sorry about your Porsche. I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful. I was just sitting in your car! Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy. Grandma Mazur

Almost everybody I know has died," Grandma said. "Bunch of wimps.

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious.-

Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early. -Ranger

Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap cheat sheet.

I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.

The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.

Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.

Maybe next time we just open the door and start out with some bitch slapping.

If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.

I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?

Then I had to decide if I needed to wear shoes that kicked ass or were good for ass kicking, on account of there's a difference you know. ~ Finger Lickin' Fifteen

If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her. Ranger

Ranger locked eyes with me. Please, he said. Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to please. I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it. Okay, I said. Be careful. He's insane.

Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me.

This is war,' I yelled through the door. Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.