Quotes from Janet Evanovich

To celebrate our partnership I dressed up like Ranger. Black boots, black jeans, black turtleneck, small silver hoop earrings. He gave me the once-over when I opened the door to him. 'Smart ass,' he said.

Yeah. Almost as surprising as when you nailed me with your father's car. In the interest of avoiding confrontation, I felt compelled to explain. I didn't feel obliged to do it convincingly. It was an accident. My foot slipped. That was no accident. You jumped the goddamn curb and followed me down the sidewalk.

He's a good man, Ranger said. And you? I'm better.

Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.

I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate. Grandma Mazur

Ranger clicked his penlight on. Hang onto me if you can't see. I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. I'm good to go. He was still for a beat. You could have held on to my jacket, he said. Would you rather I do that? No. Not even a little.

I have bad car juju. -Stephanie Plum

There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing. Ranger

My father would eat cat shit if it was salted, fried, or frosted, but it took an act of Congress to get him to eat a vegetable.

You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep one day and say we were due at the church in an hour.

Omigod,' I said on a sudden flash of sleep-deprived insight. 'You're the big bad wolf.' There are some similarities.

Everyone knows you can't see death cooties. Take my word for it, that couch has the biggest, fattest death cooties that ever existed. That couch has the mother of all death cooties. – Lula

Bitch. Slut. Whore. Cunt. I kicked Joyce in the shin. I draw the line at cunt.

You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.

Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing.

I wasn't sure exactly how prostitutes determined price, but if men bought hookers by the pound, these two would be doing okay.

My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think

Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.

Cupcake , you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you

He squinted at me. What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?

From the look on your face, I'd say you know him. I nodded. Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school. Connie grunted. Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli

Diesel is back, Ranger said. Yes. How did you know? I woke up with a migraine this morning. Ranger said.

Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both.-

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk, I said to Ranger. Not drunk, Ranger said. Just relaxed and naked.