Quotes from Janet Evanovich

Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.

Stephanie Plum,I almost never shoot anyone.

Arson is a respected profession among certain subcultures in Jersey, and the good ones don't get caught. The good ones channel lightning and mysterious acts of spontaneous combustion.

I took the stool next to him, raising an eyebrow at the coffee and cruller on the counter. Thought you weren't into internal pollution, I said. Lately Ranger'd been on a health food thing. Props, Ranger told me. Didn't want to look out of place. I didn't want to burst his fantasy bubble, but the only time Ranger wouldn't look out of place would be standing in a lineup between Rambo and Batman.

The golden years are for pussies. We went straight to brass.

It's been almost a month since you found a body. I knew you were due. Carl Costanza - Seven Up

I rented Ghostbusters, my all-time favorite inspirational movie. I picked up some microwave, popcorn, a KitKat, a bag of bite-sized Reese's peanut butter cups, and a box of instant hot chocolate with marshmallows. Do I know how to have a good time, or what?

Good thing he's dead, Lula said, or that would have hurt like the devil.

Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We're simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We're like that catfish with lungs. Take us out of our environment and we can grow whatever body parts we need to survive. After Jersey the rest of the country's a piece of cake. You want to send someone into a fallout zone? Get him from Jersey. He'll be fine.

Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. "If you're looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you'd be with me this morning." "Did he make you take a blood oath that you'd protect me?" "He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.

It's fucking hard to be classy

I went to the door, and Gary tried hard not to notice I was blue. He looked at his feet, and he looked above my head, and he cleared his throat. It's okay,' I said. 'I know I'm blue.' It caught me by surprise,' he said. 'I didn't want to seem rude.

I am not menopausal. I just wanted half an hour alone. Is that too much to ask? A crappy half hour!

You fainted, I told Tank. I did not, Tank said. That's a lie.

Has it ever occurred to you that you might be delusional?' That's what the psychiatrist said, but I think he's wrong. There's an evil flying pizza out there, and it's got Brenda's name on it.

Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night, I said. Ranger smiled. I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked.

Just because i know how to change a guys oil doesn't mean i want to spend the rest of my life on my back, staring up his undercarriage.

Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger ...but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still...

How was your day? Morelli asked me. Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.

I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.

Next time I fall in love it's going to be with someone who isn't an expert in fibbing. You're in love with me? You didn't know that? I did, but it's nice to hear. Scares the hell out of me.

He reached out, opened the glove compartment, and took out a gun. It was a Smith & Wesson .38 five-shot special. It looked a lot like my gun. I stopped by your apartment this morning and picked this up for you, Ranger said. I found it in the cookie jar. Tough guys always keep their gun in the cookie jar. Name one. Rockford. Ranger grinned. I stand corrected.

This is a little awkward, I said, but my mother just ran over the rabbit. Ran over? As in roadkill. We're not sure what to do about it. Where are you? Giovichinni's, buying lunch meat. And the rabbit? Gone. He was with two other guys. They scooped him up off the road and drove away with him. There was a long silence on the phone. I'm fucking speechless, Morelli finally said.

Exercise improves your sex life. Ranger to Stephanie