Quotes from Mindy Kaling

And when she's at the door, Mark stops her and he says, "I like you, very much. Just as you are." It's ridiculous that I love this so much. It's so simple. It's not a witty, perfectly phrased, Ephron-y declaration by our charming, neurotic hero. It's so … plain. But the idea is the most beautiful thing in the world. So, obviously, it makes me cry.

we, as consumers, are not completely satisfied with our scrutiny of women's appearances in TV and film. We also find it enjoyable to pit women against each other in fashion Hunger Games.

can that be? You're not in good shape. And that is true! But this is the paradox of my life. I love running because it puts me in an instant good mood, and I think I read on the back of a box of Cheerios that it's good for my heart. But I also love alcohol, fast-food hamburgers, and eating gluten. So it's a perilous teeter-totter that I am trying to get away with until my doctors tell me I'm in trouble.

No matter how good you have it, it's cool to want more. (P.83)

So You've Just Finished Chelsea Handler's Book, Now What?

I knew that the best way to get out of chores, or sports, or talking to elderly relatives on the phone was by holding up a book and saying, "But I'm just enjoying Little House on the Prairie so much!

My mother passed away in 2011. She was a warm and sociable person, but she did not suffer fools. In fact, that policy extended beyond fools. She did not suffer lazy people, pretentious people, liars, the sloppy, or the inarticulate. Basically she suffered very few people, and it was hard to earn her respect. But

Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn't conversation. It'll never lead anywhere.

The point is, it only traumatized me because I had the time to be traumatized. I want to be so famous and busy that only ever find these insults amusing, and chuckle at the good-naturedly before I get on my private jet to be a UN ambassador to Cameroon, or wherever.

which I would write on Sunday afternoons sitting cross-legged on my bedroom floor with no pants on.

Losing friends is hard, but losing fake friends, as it turns out, is pretty damn easy.

And this actress, this poor skinny actress who so clearly lost weight to play the likable lead, has to say things like 'shut up you guys! I love cheesecake! If I want to eat an entire cheesecake, I will!' If you look closely, you can see this woman's ribs through the dress she's wearing--that's how skinny she is, this cheesecake-loving cow.

No matter how good you have it, it's cool to want more.

I do not need to hear people tearing into Lisa Lampanelli for liking to have sex only with black men. I'm sad that this is her famous running gag. I'm sad that I now know this. I'm sad that a legitimate rung on the ladder of making it in comedy is writing hateful stuff about total strangers. I don't know.

Unlike other athletes, Frisbee people won't let it go. My theory is that this is because there's a huge overlap between people who are good at Frisbee and people who do Teach for America. The same instinct to make at-risk kids learn, which I admire so much, becomes deadly when turned on friends trying to relax on a Sunday afternoon in the park.

Throwing a tantrum feels good because you think you are ruining everyone's good time when you feel your very worst. But the truth is, you're not ruining their good time, you're just giving them another good story.

I'm pretty happy with the way I look, so long as I don't break a beach chair.

Eleven years into this, I am able to sleep through any amount of noise and temperature. Sometimes I wake up and hope I slept through a Walking Dead–type zombie apocalypse and I have to lead humans into a new world order.

I think I love the scene because it reflects how love works. "Soul mates" is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.

If handed an actual basketball, I would instantly cry. For me, doing sports was like meeting the Disney characters at Disney World. On TV I loved Mickey Mouse, but when I met the actual real-life Mickey, or rather his impersonator, and he tried to hug me in his warm fuzzy suit, I recoiled in fear.

While I chewed on my eleven brioche rolls, I saw the likes of Gen. David Petraeus, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, and that guy from Magic Mike, who also played a hot werewolf and was supposed to have a huge wang. It was an extremely glamorous night.

And when had a critical eye ever helped me, really? Nobody likes the girl who points out all the inherent sexism on The Bachelor . But people are charmed byt the girl kvelling about nail art, boba tea, and the homeopathic benefits of ayahuasca.

I'm the kind of person who becomes silent when I get scared, because I hope Death will not notice me if I am very still and very quiet. It has worked well so far.

I will leave you with one last piece of advice, which is: If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't got it? Flaunt it. 'Cause what are we even doing here if we're not flaunting it? And that, my friends, shall go on my tombstone.