Quotes from Mindy Kaling

Why didn't you talk about whether women are funny or not? I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn't. It would be the same as addressing the issue of "Should dogs and cats be able to care for our children? They're in the house anyway." I try not to make it a habit to seriously discuss nonsensical hot-button issues.

Let's be honest—Asian women get a bad rap. We are known for scoring high on the SATs, but also for driving poorly and tipping badly. And I don't drive so great, so I needed to make sure to overcompensate in the other department.

I got to see my friend B. J. Novak daily, which, when we weren't fighting, was the absolute best.

If I took the nicer subway, it meant I had to go through Manhattan every morning to get there, and that took a really long time. The subway line that ran the short way was the G line, which stopped exclusively in Brooklyn and Queens. That might be the only time the word exclusive has been used to describe the G train.

A bunch of unearned trophies around the house would make me hooked on awards, which is bad in general, but especially bad if you don't deserve them. The whole experience made me want to win another trophy, but win it for actually doing something great.

Luckily, I was not born a white man.1 I was born a socially anxious Indian woman.

Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn't always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now,

I don't have that kind of confidence. My voice is loud and piercing, and I project like I was once told by a doctor during a childhood illness that I would never speak again.

The truth is, if I were going to lose weight successfully, I would have to think about what I eat constantly.

I could have Matthew McConaughey baptize Kit into the Church of Alright Alright Alright in the Pacific Ocean outside his Malibu compound and people would be like, "Oh, I love that guy, cool choice.

And it kind of behooves you to pick a short song. I don't care if Don freakin' McLean shows up in a red-white-and-blue tuxedo, no one is allowed to sing "American Pie." It's actually kind of hostile to a group of partiers to pick a song longer than three minutes.

We forewent seeing any DC museums or national monuments to order cheeseburgers and watch Will & Grace in bed at our hotel, because we are real best friends, not lame fake friends trying to impress each other with how fascinated we are with culture and learning.

But I don't love being asked to be an investor in a crowd-funded honeymoon. Here is why: it's not especially emotionally rewarding to know that I paid for three of five nights of a yurt rental in Big Sur.

I don't actually understand the meaning of generosity. It means giving to people and expecting nothing in return. It doesn't mean giving to someone with the expectation, or even hope, that they will regale you with praise for being such a generous person. I realized that I'm fine with giving, but I'm bad at generosity.

One of the great things about women's magazines is that they accept that drinking water and sitting quietly will make your breasts huge and lips plump up to the size of two bratwursts. Maybe

Confidence is just entitlement.

Mindy wore a lot of hats. Ivy League graduate, actor, comedian, playwright, inveterate gossip, weirdly pro-gun Republican, outspoken advocate of conspicuous

Being known is really fun, extremely strange, and not very important. This

It's just that, the truth is, I have never, ever, ever met a highly confident and successful person who is not what a movie would call a "workaholic." We can't have it both ways, and children should know that. Because confidence is like respect; you have to earn it.

There are more than a thousand people in one square mile of this studio who would kill to have this job. Get your ass up off the floor and go back into that writers' room, you weakling. Then I get up, pour myself a generous glass of whiskey and club soda, think about the sustained grit of my parents, and go back to work. I know that made me sound like a tortured alcoholic, like Don Draper, but I swear I'm not.