Quotes from Robin Williams

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

When my son was born I had this dream that one day he might grow up to be a Nobel Prize winner. But I also had another dream that he might grow up to say, "Do you want fries with that?"

Baby caca is like Kryptonite to a father. Even the dog says, "You don't rub his face in it."

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Cricket is baseball on valium.

Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

God gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons–because they installed them.

Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there's a bowl of milk in it for them.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Cricket is baseball on Valium.

Winning an Oscar is an honor, but, between you and me, it does not makes things easier.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.

Make your life spectacular, I know I did.

Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person.