Quotes from Christopher Moore

No, Charlie said. I'm not losing you after just finding you. You stay here. You creep! What gives you the right to be that way. I just found you, too. Yeah, but I'm not much of a find.

A death that results from your actions is basically killing someone, unless you're a politician, right?

Before we knew it a year had passed, then two more, and we were celebrating the passage of Joshua's seventeenth birthday in the fortress. Balthasar had the girls prepare a feast of Chinese delicacies and we drank wine late into the night. (And long after that, and even when we had returned to Israel, we always ate Chinese food on Joshua's birthday. I'm told it became a tradition not only with those of us who knew Joshua, but with Jews everywhere.)

Is it the fault of a girl bright with the light of romance that she falls in love with a rascal? Is the love any less pure? Any less heartfelt? Any less painful when lost?

he realized, with no little sense of irony, that until he became Death, he'd never felt so alive.

The fog lay spread across the city like a drowned whore—damp, cold, smelling of salt and diesel—a sea-sodden streetwalker who'd just bonked a tugboat . . .

Molly stood over the stove, naked, except for a wide sash from which was slung the scabbard for her broadsword at the center of her back, giving the impression that she had won honors in the Miss Nude Random Violence Pageant. Her

Drowned, dead, duplicitous slut!

The position of hardware clerk in Pine Cove was highly coveted by the town's retired male population, for nowhere else could a man posture well past his prime, pontificate, and generally indulge in the arrogant self-important chest-pounding of an alpha male without having a woman intercede to remind him that he was patently full of shit.

So safe," Coyote said, "that you can lose it in a day? To be safe is to be afraid. Is that what you want: to be afraid?

I'm poor and my cat is huge.

Everyone is happier if they have someone to look down on, as well as someone to look up to. Especially if they resent both.

I don't remember any snow in all of the Torah. The Lord probably doesn't even go to places where it snows.

No, inaction. Contemplation. Steadiness. Conservatism. A wall is the defense of a country that values inaction. But a wall imprisons the people of a country as much as it protects them. That's why Balthasar had us go this way. He wanted me to see the error in the Tao. One can't be free without action.

The key to retaining their respect was to find out what they wanted to do, then tell them to do it.

What you seek, you shall never find. For when the Gods made man, They kept immortality for themselves. Fill your belly. Day and night make merry, Let Days be full of joy. Love the child that holds your hand. Let your wife delight in your embrace. For these alone are the concerns of man. —The Epic of Gilgamesh

Well, it is written, two out of three ain't bad." "Where is that written?" "Dalmatians 9:7, I think—doesn't matter, no one else could have done what you did.

The only way to control the faithful is to not become one of them

Cry havoc, and let slip the trousers of most outrageous bonkilation!

Who goes out without a phone? This guy was a complete loser.

Where do you think this guy is leading us?' 'Probably somewhere to murder and kill us.' 'Yeah, at least one of those.

he shrieked and made as if to fling poo at the giant, but it had been eight days since any of us had eaten and he could birth no bum-babies for the flinging.

He crossed against the light, limping slightly under the weight of the subtext.

Para ser honesto era muito raro ferver, mas gostava do som da expressão fervoroso pagão e creio que seria um nome fantástico para uma banda de rock cristã.