Quotes from Christopher Moore

The visual conjured in Val's mind - all that parched, wrinkled flesh in furious friction - culminated in flames, as if some giant cosmic Boy Scout had decided to rub two old people together to make a fire.

Ninguém é perfeito... Ou por outra, este tipo era mas nós matámo-lo.

Blessed with the Beta Male imagination, he spent much of his life squinting into the future so he might spot ways in which the world was conspiring to kill him...

And there were hundreds of singular events experienced by individuals: creatures moving in the shadows, voices and screams from the sewer grates, milk souring, cats scratching owners, dogs howling, and a thousand people woke up to find that they no longer cared for the taste of chocolate. It was a fucked-up day.

In each picture is a whole lifetime imprisoned, a whole lifetime of fears, doubts, hopes and joys.

See form, see line, see light, see shadow. See relationships of lines. The model is a collection of these elements, not a body.

Grausam und erbarmungslos rollen sie dahin, die Stahlgürtelreifen des Schicksals

My ma had a record of that Moron Tallywacker Choir singin' Christmas music. Sounded like someone hurtin' a dog. I broke it and melted it on the radiator.

And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer.

Like love, privacy is most manifest in its absence.

The snail, presumably, to bolster the self-esteem of the turtles: "You think we're slow? Look at that guy." To shore up the snail's morale in the same way, there was a rock. Everyone is happier if they have someone to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both. This is not only the Beta Male strategy for survival, but the basis for capitalism, democracy, and most religions.

He reasoned: A well-formed bottom hanging in space is just a well-formed bottom, but you hook up a well-formed bottom to a whip-smart woman and apply a dash of the awkward and what you've got yourself is…well, trouble.)

No, you don't understand, young man. You couldn't understand. Emily was my life. I got up in the morning for her, I went to work for her, I built a business for her. I couldn't wait to get home at night to tell her about my day. I went to bed with her and I dreamed about her when I slept. She was my passion, my wife, my best friend, the love of my life. And one day, without warning, she was gone and my life is a void. You couldn't possibly understand.

Love without desire, or conditions, or limits - a pure and radiant glow in the heart that could make me giddy and sad and glorious all at once.

Isolate 'em. That's why all your loony-toon cult guys have to get their people out in the boonies somewhere where no one can talk any sense into 'em. Just

This is the Marina. This is where you go between the fraternity or sorority house and your first divorce. Look around, except for our waitress, who I guarantee doesn't live in this neighborhood, it's all people who are completely self-absorbed without a shred of self-awareness." "Wow, that's harsh," Mike said. "You haven't served them," Lily said.

My name, said Mr. Fresh. Pardon? Charlie stopped tying himself up. I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's Minty. Charlie completely forgot what he was worried about. Minty? Your name is Minty Fresh? Charlie appeared to be trying to stifle a sneeze, but then snorted an explosive laugh. Then ducked.

An air force general with so many campaign medals on his uniform that it looked like someone was losing a game of mah-jongg on his chest.

You want broccoli? asked Mrs. Korjev. Is there orange broccoli? Sophie asked. Green broccoli is good for you, make you strong, like bear. But it's not vegan. We put on Cheez Whiz, make vegan for you. Okay, broccoli, said Sophie.

Die, thou badger-shagging spunk monkey, said I.

Don't trust her," shouted Helena, who was trying to stop Lysander from licking her shin. "She was a vixen when she went to school, and though she be but little, she is fierce." "Little, is it?" said Hermia. "I will show you little, thou lumbering maypole. I shall decorate your inconstant lovers with your splattered brains.

thou treacherous coal-souled wank-weasel!

I don't know. I don't really have a plan. I don't even know if she's lucid. I've been on autopilot since I heard. I was waiting for you to get home so I could fall apart.

thou wretched pillar of syphilitic pheasant-fuck!