Quotes from Christopher Moore

A little mucus is nothing against the power of the Lord.

if there's anything missionaries do well, it's seek out and destroy fun).

The constable lit the bong and lost himself in the scuba bubbles of sweet comforting smoke.

He is angry when he leave today. Like bear," said Mrs. Korjev, who was possessed of an atavistic compulsion toward ursine simile.

I would not have Drool reading Cicero or crafting clever riddles, but under my tutelage he had become more than fair at tumbling and juggling, could belch a song, and was, at court, at least as entertaining as a trained bear, with slightly less proclivity for eating the guests. With guidance, he would make a proper fool.

That's it?" Joshua asked, as he hopped off his post and winced upon landing. "Why did we set up twenty posts if we were only going to use three?" "Why were you thinking of twenty when you can only stand on one?" answered Three. "I have to pee," I said. "Exactly," said the monk. So there you have it: Buddhism.   Each

Tits are flushing, ma'am," said I. Well they were! If she was going to run around in the altogether, she needed to get control over her bubbly bits or she'd never master proper royal subterfuge and guile. "Bit of a tell, love, the pinkening of the knockers, on someone as fair as thou.

Ah, Lazarus, said the Emperor, scratching his charge behind the ears, if we had even half the courage of our small comrade, we would go into that drain and find him. But what are we without him, our courage, our valor? Steady and righteous we may be, my friend, but without courage to risk ourselves for our brother, we are but politicians - blustering whores to rhetoric.

I gave you all! screeched Lear, waving a palsied claw at Regan. And you took your bloody time giving it, too, you senile old fuck, said Regan.

I want to be Moses." "You can't." "Why not?" "I have the stick." "Oh.

Give us a call or you know, flash a searchlight in the sky with your logo on it, because we monitor everything.

Disorder in here harshing my mellow.

Chinatown is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a wonton, and fried.

Let's bat that nun out of the dog park!

careful not to ogle her wares, as dames often do not care for that, even when it is evident that they have spent no little time and effort preparing their wares for ogling.

Creatures of the night were rising from their resting places and venturing forth to feed on their unsuspecting victims.

3. In order to hold off the Forces of Darkness, you will need a number two pencil and a calendar, preferably one without pictures of kitties on it. Keep it near you when you sleep.

There's something out on the wing. Sir I can assure you that--Fuck, there's something out on the wing. Told you.

There's no such thing as a conservative hero.' He was wise, that old man.

A thousand years of torture rule, The knave who dares to harm a fool." I

In Breeze's business one got used to running across the skeletons in people's closets. If Billy's skeleton wore women's underwear, it didn't really matter. Homosexuality on Billy Winston was like acne on a leper.

Within twelve hours they had pulled mankind's teeth. Then the hunting began.

Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy. People, generally, suck. This

Judah could never get the knack of being an adulteress. He'd stand there stiff as Lot's wife. You can't do that. An adulteress has to be wily and nimble-footed.)