Quotes from Christopher Moore

En efecto, fue un macho beta sumamente habilidoso quien descubrió el fuego, aunque, como era de esperar, un macho alfa se lo arrebatara casi enseguida (los alfa fracasaron en el descubrimiento del fuego, pero, como no entendían que no había que agarrar el palo por el lado caliente y anaranjado, se les atribuye en cambio la invención de la quemadura de tercer grado).

The first pancake is why you have a dog, so you have someone to give it to who appreciate it.

I headed out to find Moo Shoes and inform him that our business venture had croaked my boss, and also that we had a business venture.

I'm more visual than verbal, really. The painting and so forth.

For what is curiosity if not intellectual temptation? And what progress is there without curiosity?)

But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age.

When you think of ghosts wailing and suffering, you don't think of it as constant and eternal, do you? Bit of wailing around midnight, chain rattling and a cold breeze, grab an ankle on the stairs now and again to really get them shitting themselves, then you're on about your day, aren't you?

Joshua could hear stirring inside of the stable master's house and a voice calling for him to hold his horses, which is what stable masters always say when they make you wait.

Doing what he wanted to do and his boundless affinity for everything made Clay Demodocus a happy guy, but he was also shrewd enough not to be too open about his happiness. Animals might put up with that smiley shit, but people will eventually kill you for it.

And long after that, and even when we had returned to Israel, we always ate Chinese food on Joshua's birthday. I'm told it became a tradition not only with those of us who knew Joshua, but with Jews everywhere.)

You should never pass up an opportunity to be kind. You should never not thank someone. You should never not say something nice when you think it." "I don't.

Oh, that's heinous fuckery most foul," said Kona.

eres como si Insoportable e Irritante hubieran tenido un hijo por el culo!

Have you people forgotten how to die? Or have you used up all of the young people on television so there's nothing left but gray hair and wrinkled flesh? In my time, if you had seen forty summers it was time to start thinking about moving on, making room for the youngsters.

And whence do you hail?" "From Bonking, sire." "Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?

Cuando no tienes buenos argumentos, a veces es mejor darle la vuelta a la tortilla y ponerte a preguntar tú. Lo aprendí en la clase de Introducción a los medios de comunicación.

A gentleman can't even discuss fucking philosophy without you puritanical twats casting judgmental glances at his tackle d'amore.

I'll be fine. The ready kit you packed covered everything, I think. In fact, I may not even need the fire extinguisher.

Wait, what? Ain't no thing. I'ma choke you out ironically, Evan, so you be too cool for school. Cool as a motherfuckin' corpse, Evan." He let a little air through. "I love something! I do love something." "You do?" "My cat, Cisco." "Cisco? After the outlaw?" "After the networking company." "Yeah, I'm sho-nuff gonna choke this motherfucker out!

Leathery bar girls worked the charter booths at the harbor, smoking Basic 100s and talking in voices that sounded like 151 rum poured into hot grease—a jigger of friendly to the liter of harsh.

Nobody's perfect….

She changed your oil and put the chill on you all in one night?

Blessed are the dumbfucks

Venice took on the feeling of a city paved with black glass, the odd lantern, torch, or candle reflecting in the canals like distant windows into hell, the crescent moon throwing silver scythes across the water where it could find its way between buildings.