Quotes from Christopher Moore

We will bring your guilt as well. You wouldn't have escaped it anyway. It is a parent's gift.

Magic is just science that we don't know yet.

Ah, já entendi - disse eu. - É uma parábola. Que giro. Vamos comer.

I bring food and drink to the guards when they are on post during feasts. I believe it is written in the Obfuscations of St. Pesto: "In nine cases out of ten, a large friend with a poleax shall truly a blessing be." )

Look, I've always had an empty place in my life that I've alternatively tried to fill with food and penises, but now I have something.

What love is not torment when a man knows not how to love himself? Talk not of drowning, but attaining your heart's desire by action: Put money in thy purse.

LIke many artists, Estelle lived in an atmosphere of chaotic funk, taken by observers to be artistic charm, but in fact no more than a civilized way of dealing with the relative poverty and uncertainty of cannibalizing one's imagination for money. (15/142)

I'm just going to try to save the woman I love, and that's as good as the world to me.

Every time you smell peaches, a ghost just got his rocks off.

Judges was named after one of the books of the Bible, as was Sammy—Samuel—as Sammy's mother found great comfort in her faith during labor, when she swore to God that if Sammy's dad ever got that thing near her again she would murder him in his sleep.

but even with the gift of tongues, I'm having trouble learning to speak hip-hop. Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone's ass? Is "ho" always feminine, and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and

Era il suono di mille bambini affamati che piangevano, di diecimila vedove che si strappavano i capelli sulle tombe dei mariti, un coro di angeli che intonava l'ultimo lamento nel giorno della morte di dio

Every time you give them a new metaphor for the kingdom they see the metaphor, a mustard seed, a field, a garden, a vineyard, it's like pointing something out to a cat - the cat looks at your finger, not at what you're pointing at.

The devil was smaller and rather younger than I would have guessed. He danced barefoot around the fire as he stoked it in preparation for my torment. The fiend wore a tunic of rough linen, leaves and sticks clinging to it, and a bycocket hat with a single feather in the style of bow hunters back home in Blighty. Bit of a ginger fringe. Scrawny and pathetic, really, for the prince of bloody darkness.

I like big butts, Renoir explained to Toulouse-Lautrec.

What a bawdy bitch is fate when the best bit of a bloke's day is a brace of bloody mermaid murders.

Wait. Henri, you said that Carmen didn't remember you, but she wasn't unkind to you, right? She didn't seem to be trying to hide from you? Perhaps she was an unwilling participant in the Colorman's scheme. Perhaps she loved you deeply and he made her forget. Perhaps Juliette, too, is being manipulated against her will. Perhaps, said Lautrec absentmindedly. but she is too beautiful, I think, to not be inherently evil.

There are those who, deprived of physical beauty, develop a sincerity and beauty of spirit that seems to eclipse their appearance. They marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.

Parables were never my strong suit. If you wan to say something, say it. So, of course, Joshua and Buddhists were the perfect people to hang out with, straight talkers that they were.

True, but there was a plaque depicted in the painting, hung around the figure's neck, and on it was writing in Sumerian cuneiform. As you know, in addition to my other studies, I am an amateur necrolinguist - It means the likes to lick the dead, explained Henri. It means he studies dead languages, corrected Lucien.

Othello, we are told by Iago, is not a Muslim, but a Christian, but, you know, he might be a secret Muslim. I mean, he's so African looking, and he has that funny name . . . Yeah, I went there.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them. The key—and this is very relevant in our case—is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.

Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy. People, generally, suck.

Sometimes, it turned out, art was what you had to say, not how you said it.