Quotes from Christopher Moore

I wouldn't go to yoga with you because I'm not bendy, not because I'm not spiritual.

Love is where you find it.

The little people parted and two of them carried a tray with the head of an animal Wiggley Charlie didn't recognize down an aisle. (It was the head of an opossum, but the o was silent, as often happens with the decapitated.)

Congratulations, you have been chosen to act as Death, it's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

She's studying the Existentialists this month. Asked for a study day last week to kill an Arab on the beach.

did you just say 'gee whiz' to me? what am I, nine? I am a woman-

if the wise man always appears stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise.

not the end of the world, just darkness over everything, Charlie cheerfully said. it gets dark - turn on a light.

And without guilt and dread, who am I?

And there you are, sobbing like you've been dirked in the dick by grief's dark dagger. Ergo. Ursa. Arborem

There were chopsticks stuck here and there in her hair, as if she were prepared at any minute to deal with an emergency stir-fry.

What the hell good was it to be the Lord of the Underworld if there was fuzz on your underdone toast.

What is character, if not a man's measure of himself against his friends and enemies?

Get in, get out, and nobody gets hurt, as Uncle Harlan always said, something he picked up in Vietnam.

I accidentally shagged a monk last night." "Sometimes, in times of crisis, that shit cannot be avoided.

everyone looks up like rats caught in a spotlight eating the brains of a friend dead in a trap.

The garlic bread lay there between them, steaming with implications. They, of course, must both eat it or neither could. Garlic bread meant garlic breath. There might be a kiss later, maybe more. There was just too damn much intimacy in garlic bread.

And so it came to pass, that Joshua of Nazareth moved among them, healing them and performing miracles, and all the little blind children of Nicobar did see again, and all the lame did stand up and walk. The little fuckers.   And

I have followed my penis into hell and returned with the story.

Fue un día jodido en la ciudad de la bahía. (...). Hubo además cientos de sucesos singulares acaecidos a particulares: seres que se movían entre las sombras, voces y gritos que salían de las rejillas del alcantarillado, leche que se agriaba, gatos que arañaban a sus dueños, perros que aullaban, y mil personas que al despertar descubrieron que ya no les gustaba el sabor del chocolate. Fue un día jodido.

The funeral was held at St. Mary's Catherdral of San Francisco, which has the distinction of being the only church in the world designed after a washing-machine agitator.

Se prometió a sí mismo acojonarse por ello en cuanto tuviera tiempo.

You are a disappointment to disappointments.

I didn't do anything. I didn't move a thing, I didn't touch a thing, I didn't change a thing. Believers do everything.