Quotes from Christopher Moore

And so Charlie Asher . . . led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.

I was all, Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now, wigga! (I am not incline to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment.) -Abby

All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.

It's about average for us. Behavior always draws more than survey. We're the sexy ones,' Nate said with a grin. Amy snorted. 'Oh, yeah, you guys are the Mae Wests of the nerd world.' We're action nerds,' Nate said. 'Adventure nerds. Nerds of romance.

Will there be heinous fuckery, Pocket?

If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.

I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.

I love you, Lucien, but I am a muse, you are an artist, I am not here to make you comfortable.

Cofishes-other fish in a group, coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word.

Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive tongue kiss so deep that I could taste the burned cinnamon toast of his soul, but then I slapped him, so he didn't think I was a slut. (Shut up, he had wood.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal

Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.

The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.

Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind's roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feed pulled to.

After all the evidence is in--after you've run all the facts by everything you know--and you're still lost, you have to do some things on faith.

Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk

I think there was always some scrawny dreamer sitting at the edge of the firelight, who had the ability to imagine dangers, to look into the future in his imagination and see possibilities, and therefore survived to pass his genes on to the next generation.

Inside, I was like: Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!

Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.

We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

Scratch a cynic and you will find a disappointed romantic.

Unless you can change the past, you're wasting the present on this guilt

You're going to break my heart, aren't you?

We really have to get going, Sam said. Can we leave the car here and pick it up later? The monk said, Does a dog have a Buddha nature? Does a fish have a watertight asshole? said Coyote.

Sweetheart, wake up; you've destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.