Quotes from Frank Zappa

If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST.

Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny.

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.

Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.

Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?' Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you've got any guts. Some of you like Pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read.

A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.

The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.

It's better to have something to remember than anything to regret.

My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.

Art is making something out of nothing, and selling it.

There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced.

I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' — there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.

Take the Kama Sutra. How many people died from the Kama Sutra as opposed to the Bible? Who wins?

Government is the Entertainment division of the military-industrial complex.

I'm vile and perverted. I'm obsessed and deranged. I've existed for years but very little has changed. I'm the tool of the government and industry too. For I'm destined to rule and regulate you. You may think I'm pernicious, but you can't look away. I'll make you think I'm delicious with the stuff that I say. I'm the best you can get... have you guessed me yet? I'm the slime oozing out of your TV set....

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.