Quotes from Tim Dorsey

A man ran by cupping hands to his nose. "I'll sue you for every last penny." Serge faced Mahoney again. "Whose office is that?" "The Guy Who Punches People." "You call him that because he has a temper?" "No," said Mahoney. "It's what he does. Here's his business card.

Right!" The guard took off around one end of the desk. The manager ran around the other. Circle after circle.

The men sat on a street bench next to a pair of fashionably depressed students from New College, who gave the bikers the creeps. The

That's the problem with this generation. No sense of history. They haven't the foggiest notion of all the sacrifices that have been made so they can safely lounge about this country texting and tweeting . . .

You never get over something like that. You just try to keep it in a box on an out-of-the-way shelf in your brain. But then you open the closet to look for an old sousaphone—

Do what you love and you'll always be happy.'" "Who said that?" "Charles Manson. No, wait. He said, 'Kill all the people in the house.' Who am I thinking of?

But that was Key West. It searched out and exploited the hairline crack in each person's stability and crowbarred it open.

Four A.M. "I love driving in the middle of the night! No traffic, the rhythm of the dotted fluorescent centerline, occasional diner with a guy alone in a corner booth, all the traffic lights set to flashing yellow, my heart charged with spiritual ecstasy from the approaching dawn! But the best part is the silence

The best life is when your dreams come true. The second best is when they don't, but you never stop chasing.

Sir, we're maiming both our employees and our customers. Our legal department can't keep up with the suits. Something needs to be done." "You're right," Dempsey finally conceded. "Increase our contributions for tort reform.

Where's the rule that says you can't just unilaterally declare yourself a spy and snoop around for no reason? That's the whole key to life: Fuck explaining yourself to people. Plus Miami is the perfect place, absolutely crawling with self-employed, freelance agents in dummy corporations ready to join any government that can't have direct involvement with an illicit operation. I'll just act suspicious until the highest bidder comes along.

Capitalists don't want free trade any more than they want whooping cough. Their nature is to conglomerate, homogenate, vertically integrate and dominate until there is no competition. The rules? Screw the rules! They'll rig the game, spit on the ball, bribe the refs, tilt the playing field, pork the cheerleaders and kick free enterprise in the nuts.

A ten-year, double-blind study from the Mayo Clinic concluded that even in late stages of dementia, the last to go is the lobe of the brain in charge of cafeteria layout.

Bok Tower stands 205 feet upon the highest point in peninsular Florida. It is an unforgettable sight, a stone monument rising alone on a pristine ridge called Iron Mountain, near the center of the state. "The Singing Tower," as it is known, features a fifty-seven-bell carillon, the centerpiece of the tranquil Bok Tower Gardens, a meditative retreat of unmatched serenity.

Jack Pimento had begun his government career six months earlier in the mailroom without the required background check—a security breach that slipped through the cracks because of a government office laboring under the crushing hardships of overstaffing, nepotism and banker's hours.

Impossible' isn't in my vocabulary," said Serge.

Nobody ever brought up the hairpiece, and Salenca thought it was the perfect crime.

the Datura Avenue Shipwreck Snorkel Trail, just south of the pier at Commercial Boulevard.

All the things you're not supposed to do on land you're supposed to do on a cruise because it's one of America's official responsibility-free zones, like Mardi Gras, New Year's Eve or Courtney Love. Twenty-four-hour free buffets all over the place, raunchy stage shows, countless bars that won't cut you off as long as you can knee-walk into a casino and blow the mortgage—

Are you okay?" "I drank coffee. They've got the radioactive-strength Cuban kind down here.

In the 1965 James Bond movie Thunderball, the skydiving frogmen are supposed to be jumping into the Bahamas, but downtown Miami is in the background.

The simple math of trickle-down economics," said Steve. "It's expensive to be poor.

Serge's definition of total happiness: Florida, a full tank of gas and no appointments.

You think we started with a bunch of prehistoric ooze, and some of it just happened to turn into Bella Abzug?" They shook their heads. "There were some dead ends along the way, hence natural selectivity. But for my money, the rest is God in a Darwin costume. So if you can wrap your brain around self-organization, then evolution is intelligent design. The Lord is even greater!…But I'm not sure.