Quotes from Tim Dorsey

Minimum was valuable to McJagger, first, because he'd sold 42 percent of all the trailers in Vista Isles, getting an average of sixty thousand for the "$39,000" model through fine print and outright fraud.

Ellrod, like all Florida convenience store clerks, had the Serengeti altertness of the tastiest gazelle in the

Something's gone horribly wrong in paradise. There used to be an agreement among criminals that we left the most vulnerable alone.

He said many people believe in God only because of the selfish reward of eternal life …" Another blew his nose. "So in order for our faith to be pure, we have to stop believing in God." "What!" "Only temporarily—just long enough to imagine eternal darkness …" "… Then, once we could handle that, we were free to return and believe selflessly." "… My belief's never been stronger.

I'm not the superstitious type, which is why I don't like superstitious people. They're bad luck.

Most people walk through life without ever noticing the little clues all around that something's not right." Another toilet lid crashed in front of them and Serge pulled a porcelain splinter from his arm. "In Florida, you just have to filter out the background weirdness.

Sand Key lighthouse. Johnny

Just because I'm your attorney, don't assume you can come to me with problems.

She blew her nose like a British ambulance, and her sob story had more twists than a dragon parade in Chinatown.

Too many of our state's native accomplishments are credited elsewhere. First Skynyrd and Alabama, then everyone thinks the Allman Brothers are from Georgia." "They're not?" "South Daytona Beach.

we're way past the turnstiles at that theme park.

Ochopee, smallest post office in the United States of America.

I've had an epiphany and decided to completely dedicate my existence to a full-court press for the truth. All else is now irrelevant. Everything in my life up to this point has been bullshit, and everything afterward will just be epilogue." "What's 'epilogue'?" "Bullshit that comes later.

From the breezy doorway. "Serge!" He turned around. "Skid Marks! Bacon Strips!" Two more stools.

that social media could do something to make the humans bring down themselves." "What's that?" "Weaponize stupidity." "Jesus, where does it all lead?" asked Coleman. "The Big Unraveling." Serge chugged coffee. "It starts with attacks on our most sacred institutions

Pirate's Cove. The decor was saddles and spurs and branding irons. The sign remained a lasting testimony that pirates don't sell drinks in north Florida, and cowboys don't sell enough for a new sign. Swinging

Serge slammed the phone down. "All the women in my life! You try to be polite, but they still talk to you.

I've decided to totally rededicate my entire life to being a private eye. Your life, too." "Is this like all your other rededications?" "No!" Serge pounded his fist on the dash. "Those were all spur-of-the-moment impulsive flights of silliness. Like my last idiotic idea of becoming a house hunter. Where's the challenge?

new-and-improved, guilt-free Reality Ultra-Lite: all your beliefs with none of the facts.

You can only judge through the context of the times," said Serge. "What's an expression of love in one generation brings social workers to the house today.

Hard to imagine now, but remember back when there was only one phone company, and long-distance minutes were droplets of gold? And you'd be traveling out of state and call home to let the folks know you made it okay, and say, 'I'd like to place a person-to-person call to I. M. Safe'? . . .

Actually an impromptu mini-master plan, not to be confused with the fleeting notion, half-baked idea, or emergency room spin-story for a masturbation mishap.

There's only one thing holding America back from realizing her full glory. Ready? You want to write this down? No? Okay, here it is: We need to stop taking ourselves so seriously.

I can buy a shotgun any time of day without the slightest background check, but if I need something for my sniffles, it's six forms of ID and complete school transcripts. The government has essentially created a system where if I want to clear a head cold, the easiest cure is to blow my brains out.