Quotes from Melody Beattie

When we got clean, we could do things other people couldn't—like help other addicts and alkies get sober. We could be as good as we'd been bad. We were useful; there was a place for us in the world. It had been fun to get high, but it was even more exciting to get sober. We believed in recovery. We believed in people. We believed in life, and we believed in God. There was a revolution going on. "For a while it was Camelot," a friend said.

Most of us have been so busy responding to other people's problems that we haven't had time to identify, much less take care of, our own problems.

That's the thing with addicts. We don't intend to drink or use drugs. Usually the times we most shouldn't drink or use is when we end up drinking and using the most. Loss of control is the identifying stamp and seal of addiction. We lose control of when we use, what we use, how much we use, and what we do when we're drunk or stoned.

I realized that although I was saying I wanted my spouse to get better, I was really afraid of getting better and looking at my own stuff. I kept adding pressure as a way of sabotaging.

Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here. Trust. All you have is now. It is enough.

I wanted to be a victim. I continued to act like I did not have choices and that it was always everyone else's fault in the family for how I felt and reacted." More

People are complex. Each person is unique, and each person's situation is different.

Take responsibility for our anger. We can say: "I feel angry when you do this because …

Sometimes, the things we do to protect ourselves turn on us and hurt us. They become self-destructive.

Sometimes people behave in certain ways to provoke us to react in certain ways. If we stop reacting in these certain ways, we take all the fun out of it for them.

Troubles and feelings go wild when we try to keep them caged inside. Talk about your feelings. Take responsibility for them. Feel whatever feeling you have. Nobody made you feel. Someone might have helped you feel a particular way, but you did your feeling all by yourself. Deal with it. Then, tell yourself the truth about what happened!

I believe that clutching tightly to a person or thing, or forcing my will on any given situation eliminates the possibility of my Higher Power doing anything constructive about the situation, the person, or me. My controlling blocks God's power. It blocks other people's ability to grow. It stops events from happening naturally. It prevents me from enjoying people or events.

I couldn't disappoint her because I thought she couldn't handle or be responsible for her feelings. I couldn't tell the truth, because I thought she might be angry with me-more emotional responsibility-as if someone else's anger is my business.

We try to be living proof that people can outgive God.

Seek balance in your life. Learn when it's time to let go, and learn when it's time to act.

The less good stuff we find in ourselves, the more we seek it in others.

When I repress my emotions, my stomach keeps score … 1 —JOHN POWELL

Radical faith is bold. It's not squeamish, fundamentalist, judgmental, or blaming. It's courageous.

In an article from the book Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, Robert Subby writes that codependency is "an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules—rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.

We cannot begin to work on ourselves, to live our own lives, feel our own feelings, and solve our own problems until we have detached from the object of our obsession.

As professionals began to understand codependency better, more groups of people appeared to have it: adult children of alcoholics; people in relationships with emotionally or mentally disturbed persons; people whose partners had chronic illnesses;

The people who appear the most confident and relaxed are no different from us. They've pushed themselves through fearful situations and told themselves they could make it. The people who are successful are the same as us. They've gone ahead and developed their gifts and talents, and set goals for themselves...We're all working with approximately the same material - humanity. It's how we feel about ourselves that makes the difference. It's what we tell ourselves that makes the difference.

Even recovering alcoholics and addicts noticed they were codependent and perhaps had been long before becoming chemically dependent.8 Codependents started cropping up everywhere.

The worst aspect of caretaking is that we become and stay victims. I believe many serious self-destructive behaviors—substance abuse, eating disorders, sexual disorders—are developed through this victim role.