Quotes from Melody Beattie

Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act.

Denial is the shock absorber for the soul. It is an instinctive and natural reaction to pain, loss and change. It protects us, It wards off the blows of the life until we can gather our other coping resources.

We can evaluate our behavior. We can make decisions about what we need and want. We can figure out what our problems are and what we need to do to solve them.

Trust ourselves and the grief process. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is. God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.

When you're doing what's right for you, it's okay to it once, simply, and then refuse to discuss anything further.

Yes, we have the right to be mad at a sick person. We didn't ask for the problem. Although the ideal feeling is compassion, we probably won't feel this until we deal with our anger.

Self-acceptance is that gentle place we get to when we make peace with who we are.

The chemically dependent partner numbs the feelings and the nonabuser is doubled over in pain—relieved only by anger and occasional fantasies," wrote Janet Geringer Woititz in an article from the book CoDependency, An Emerging Issue.1

Give life a chance to happen. Give yourself an opportunity to enjoy it.

Problems are a part of life. So are solutions. People have problems, but we, and our self-esteem, are separate from our problems.

Pneumonia victims will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. Alcoholics will drink until they get the same.

Most codependents are reactionaries. We react with anger, guilt, shame, self-hate, worry, hurt, controlling gestures, caretaking acts, depression, desperation, and fury. We react with fear and anxiety. Some of us react so much it is painful to be around people, and torturous to be in large groups of people.

Feelings are not wrong. They're not inappropriate. We don't need to feel guilty about feelings. Feelings are not acts. Feelings shouldn't be judged as either good or bad. Feelings are emotional energy; they are not personality traits.

We make ourselves feel safe and loved. We do all those wonderful things for ourselves that we wish someone else would have done for us.

When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don't love you—they are saying they don't love themselves.

The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.

I gave three years of my life to take care of my dying mother who had Alzheimer's disease. Being there for her every need for three years might have looked codependent but it wasn't because it was what I wanted to do.

God, help me remember that when I admit and accept the truth, I'll be given the power and guidance to change.

We decided that sooner or later you had to learn to live without almost everybody, at least for a while. Even people you didn't think you could live without." p 167 love always found itself again.

Sometimes, we don't get what we want. . . But this is a benevolent universe. And once in a while, we do.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

We have as much time as we need.

Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come.

A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.