Quotes from Gary L. Thomas

The sad reality is that when we get married for trivial reasons, we will seek divorce for trivial reasons. We need something much more lasting on which to base a lifelong commitment—one that even has eternal implications.

Good spiritual directors understand that people have different spiritual temperaments, that what feeds one doesn't feed all. Giving the same spiritual prescription to every struggling Christian is no less irresponsible than a doctor prescribing penicillin to every patient.

Proverbs takes a supremely pragmatic approach: "A wife of noble character who can find?" (31:10). This verse assumes that we are involved in a serious pursuit, actively engaging our minds to make a wise choice. And the top thing a young man should consider is this: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised" (Prov. 31:30).

Such individuals marry on an infatuation binge without seriously considering character, compatibility, life goals, family desires, spiritual health, and other important concerns. Then when the infatuation fades and the relationship requires work, one or both partners suddenly discover that they were "mistaken." This person must not be their soul mate after all; otherwise, it wouldn't be so much work.

When we focus on what we can do, it's amazing how little time we have left to become consumed by our disappointments.

Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over-expectations, or thanksgivings. That choice will result in a birth-and the child will be named either contempt, or respect.

When God does not supply our motivation, we tend to major in the minors and minor in the majors.

Our battle is today. Because of God's grace, yesterday doesn't count. Because of God's hope, worry about tomorrow is inappropriate.

Christian life is a journey toward love, growing in love, expanding in our ability to love, surrendering our hearts to love, increasingly becoming a person who is motivated by love.

Honor isn't passive, it's active. We honor our wives by demonstrating our esteem and respect: complimenting them in public; affirming their gifts, abilities, and accomplishments; and declaring our appreciation for all they do. Honor not expressed is not honor."2

When a toxic person attacks us, let's think these words first: I honor my Father in heaven above all things. Pleasing you or getting you to agree with me isn't my first goal in life. After explaining his motivation, Jesus puts the issue back on the toxic person, where it belongs. This isn't about me because I'm honoring my Father; this is about you because you're dishonoring me.

This is a book that looks at how we can use the challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations of marriage to draw closer to God and to grow in Christian character.

One can do many external deeds of love and still hold back the really precious gift, the inner self. This gift can be given only through communication."3

The reality of the human condition is such that, according to Porter (and I agree), we must "salvage our fragments of happiness" out of life's inevitable sufferings.

Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate. W. H. Auden

Getting married is agreeing to grow together, into each other, to virtually commingle our souls so that we share a unique and rare bond.

Our motivation and our thoughts about our actions become as important as the actions themselves.

How much would every marriage change if we pursued absolute benevolence over our own comfort, happiness, and self-interest?

With Christ in us and the Holy Spirit transforming us, we really have no excuse for continuing immaturity.

To become a servant is to become strong spiritually. It means we are free from the petty demands and grievances that ruin so many lives and turn so many hearts into bitter cauldrons of disappointment, self-absorption, and self-pity.

This season in your life can be so productive spiritually if you use it to allow God to break you, shape you, and remake you," she told him. "We're always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants to deal with our own hearts first.

ANY SITUATION THAT CALLS ME TO CONFRONT MY SELFISHNESS HAS ENORMOUS SPIRITUAL VALUE.

it may feel as if they just want you to stop being you.

There are certain people who drain us, demean us, and distract us from other healthy relationships. Long after they're gone, we're still fighting with them in our minds and trying to get them out of our hearts. They keep us awake. They steal our joy. They demolish our peace. They make us (if we're honest with ourselves) weaker spiritually. They even invade times of worship and pervert them into seasons of fretting.